Live The Way You Love

Funny lookin’ in the mirror yet I can’t look her in the eyes

Inside I hide so much fear from her,

Can’t let her see thru my disguise.

The pain still seeps in

The world awakens; still, she sleeps in

Letting it all pass by yet again

She hangs her head to cry

So lonely yet so full of love to give

Always searchin’ for help from above yet so low she chooses to live

Vowing one day she will let the sun shine in on her darkness

Somehow, some way she will turn all this sadness to bliss

There is no reason for anyone to not have what they need

No acceptable reason to plant the seed of greed

No longer will she allow herself to go with out

Refusing to let her judgement ever again be clouded by doubt

If only she stopped allowing the bad ones in,

She might see how much easier it could be to finally win

Her smile no longer she will fake

Another second of bitterness I honestly don’t believe she can take

This world, all humanity would prosper so greatly if we all merely did our share

If we only did things the way we all knew was fair

Never taking advantage of another for our own gain

Instead of stopping to watch what causes pain,

We could stop what created it.

Rather than fight, let’s debate a bit!

Take a lil time to listen to our fellow man, I bet we could come up with a mutually beneficial plan

Maybe take a chance

Find ways to change the world

Or just investigate it’s mysterious ways

A new view, seeing past all the games we used to play

No more excuses for committing crimes,

No need for catching people like fish on your line,

Isn’t anyone willing to make a sacrifice

In the end do you not see

We are the only ones to pay the price

Karma will come back for you,

Honestly it’s your choice if she’s nice

She only dishes what she’s taken

Still you wonder why your heart is breakin’?

If you think you haven’t earned this heartache, I’m sorry to say you are mistaken

She knows what we do, she sees all

She is not the reason you fall,

Though she could be the reason you can finally stand proud or walk tall

I realize my opinion may not mean that much to you,

That’s just fine, go on doin’ what you do.

You can take these words how ever you wish,

Just remember the same you put out,

Will end up back in your dish

©2013 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

Stupid Cupid and His Lovely Mess

This stupid cupid has made a lovely mess
Not for quite sum time has he done his best
He’s a drunk, haphazardously flying around with a new toy

His shotgun of love
Loaded with love-bird shot amo he spreads lust and confusion everywhere he goes
In a world so full of delusion can we really expect any less?
Each shot hits more than just two, spreading an array of emotions some just cant wade thru
They drown their sorrows the best way us humans know how to
Drinkin’ up, “Keep ’em comin’, dont lemme see the bottom of that glass
Others they just obsess, oh this love sick game has become such a mess
No longer do we seek a partner rather a patsy for our crimes
Anything to avoid the truth
If u wanna be happy u gotta start with u and see that shit all the way thru

Drip Drop

Just as I once again began to believe that there might actually be some one out there who really gets me.

I told myself it’s okay to open up, so I could invite you in.

Believing your intentions to be perfectly pure,

I looked past all our imperfections.

Facing the sun not a cloud in the sky, in all directions as far as my eye could see.

Suddenly I find myself caught in a shower of realization that maybe to me love truly is blind.

Feeling the wetness upon my cheeks while regaining the strength back in my knees.

“These drops didnt fall from these eyes did they?”

Surely they couldn’t have fallen from such an amazingly clear sky?

I was working on our foundation, could it be the irrigation burst on me?

Maybe it’s condensation?

Or is it just a lack of consideration?

Talk is cheap you see when it’s just tounge n cheek.

So I climb back into bed wide awake awaiting sleep.

Dreams can be so deceiving, especially when you chose to ignore the screams.

Please do not wake me, I fear how far I fell!

So tired now yet I still wonder “How?”

How can words be so hollow, how can this hurt be do damn hard to swallow?

How did I let n myself get back here, how did I let my guard down again?

So close I was to belief!

How close it feels to defeat, now I seek nothing but relief.

A stop to the sadness amongst my madness.

I’d much rather stay dry as I lie in my bed than to walk in the rain while you lie tellin me it’s sunny every day!

©2019 Shavon Taylor Cloversallover

🍀❤

Responsible

I feel so alone sometimes

Usually that’s when I drift of into space in my mind

Often tho I find myself lost in there

Suddenly I’m confined

As my chest tightens I fear I’m running out of air

How can I be so frieghtening, even to me

These chains that hold me I know I can beat

For I know they aren’t real

Still I stay, unmoved

That’s not to say I do not feel

My past continues to harm me, I choose not to heal

Refusing to close the wounds, allowing none to disarm me

I know, tho rarely admit I am the source of my own insanity

I truly am the only one to blame, the only one able to make it all fade away

So why then you ask is this where I choose to stay?

Funny I ask myself the same thing every day.

Introduction to My Invisible Invicibles

Well done hun, I bet you even think you’ve won

I guess we’re the only one playing it’s kind of hard to lose

The master of manipulation: self-proclaimed since day one

You probably even think it’s funny how easily you tricked me

Truth is I think it’s funny you picked me

Not only am I the easiest mark, I’m easily the one with the biggest heart

Don’t think I didn’t see your shit I just chose, unlike most, to look past it

Every single second of every single day I wear my invisible invincibles: My Rose Colored Glasses

They allow me to see only the best a person or situation can be

They brighten up the shadows, hell they even bring you right up out of the shallows

Don’t think for a second you have set off my alarms

My heart is and always will be free of guards

No lock or key not even a single bar

Sure I get trampled hell I’ve been through stampedes

Sure you won the game

A game that I simply refuse to play

The part I really don’t understand is intentionally hurting someone who cares for you

I’m not looking for an apology in fact I don’t want to single thing from you

I just thought it might be nice for you to see it from a different point of view

Dark Dirt

This man awoke every part of me

Every itch, every nerve

He touched every peice of me

every inch, every curve

Feeling myself arch towards him

Aching for that next caress

Waiting,

Realizing,

With him

He took my very breath

Still waiting

Trying to not go stir crazy

I’m too excited, he can see it

What’s next?

Skin on skin

I’m shaking like a leaf

“And yet we didn’t even begin”

He growlled thru his dark grin…

Afraid where he may take aim

Oh how I do love/hate his game

From fright to pure delight

He’s always just out of sight

Tho never out of reach

Do you love to teach

Or are you hear to learn

 

 

 

 

 

What Cha After?

What Cha After

How can one be so selfish, all the while believing everything done is selfless?

Never allowing a single soul to see the feels just to seem so truly alone and helpless

Its senseless at best, lying there claiming to be defenseless

Lies spread round here n there just until they’re scattered everywhere

No matter where we look or where we go, it’s not too late, as time passes they only grow

Pass along the message, right on down the line

Pay no attention to the static on the line, like staring thru the crosshairs: focus down the line

Is there a chance we can keep it straight, maybe not miss the target this time

Maybe not miscount or mislead, sharpen that tongue hun let’s hear your honesty

How bout you bow out cuz all your talking has done nuthin but fill me with doubt

Support? Na we all just suck we tend to let it all fall apart

Silently we stand alone claiming we’re all together

Silently we scream claiming we got it all together

And when none of us are united how are we expected not to fall

Realistically we are all just humans aren’t we al only after it all

Surmise Surprise

I can’t decide weather to love or despise

I am not surprised you’re fine in my demise

I can’t describe exactly how I feel inside

Are you happy now that all you got left is pride

I’m the darkness we both chose to hide though we chose not to do so side by side enter next line I’m so sorry for the havoc

I did warn you or at least I  tried

I just wish all those times you said you loved me I could believe that even once was not a lie

Life

Something so untamed, so unfair

Taken in the blink of an eye

Some call it a game, just playing away while it passes them by

None give it the fear it deserves

We are only here for the time we’ve been served

Yet not a single one received a sentence

No judge nor jury, let alone peers

All the while believing we could make a difference

See, we all play the waiting game unwittingly

Unwillingly torn away before our time

I look out at it the vast Blackness and I can’t help but wonder is this all there is?

Is this all there was, all there ever will be?

Then I smile and think maybe now he’s finally free

© 2018 Shavon Taylor 🍀CloversAllOver🍀

Obscenely Grey Day for Mike Casaway

I can’t believe he’s gone, not one easily replaced

The day we lost him, the whole world cried.

The rain poured down, just as the tears streamed my face

He lit up any room, awlays sparking the most colourful conversations.

Not so careful, I swear he loved the confrontations?

Never one to fall behind, his was more the power of persuasion.

Wise beyond his years, the man quite honestly surprised me daily.

A lover of games, he just loved to be at play

Always after the laughter.

His verbal linguistics made it damn near impossible to match wits!

He cared for the right reasons and shared more than just feelings, from ideas to ideals.

Always had a point to make and advice if you were smart you’d take!

Don’t let it get too dark now without his guiding light

We all know he’d want us all to fight thru it

I’ll admit I barely knew him and tho I loved him, he will always remain a mystery

To those of you lucky enough to really know him I know you’ll miss him just as much if not more than I already do.

He was taken from us far too soon.

💜

Factually Strained

There’s something about this man that makes me smile agaian

Something about him makes me want to be whole again

To pull myself out of this hole and try once again

Now all my words said I question,

Every move made I retrace

Suddenly he’s gone,

Leaving behind nothing more than an empty space

What’s going on?

It’s barely been a while, merely a couple of days

You wouldn’t believe how sincerely I want him near me

It almost scared me how quickly I fell for him

Worse how quickly my fear grew that maybe he withdrew

I recently told a close friend I wished I could meet someone on the same level of my insane or even crazy, then just maybe crazy or insane is not at all what he would see

Instead he might actually see me

No shame, no blame

We could just be this crazy team

No need to play the game to claim our glory

Almost completely in sync, or so I thought

Now I’m back to thinking I’m insane

Once again I’m trying to break up the fight

Which will win tonight?

My heavy heart or my weary brain?

I ask myself does it really matter?

Sitting quietly in the crashing rain

Thinking I can’t be the winner here

Merely patients stretching thinner dear

It can be so hard to look forward to the future when your path is unclear

For now I’ll await anything at all to distract me

From the thoughts of how much I wish when I’d found him I could have finally found it too

Can’t Get Me

I’ve waited for so long

How could it be I was so wrong?

All this time I thought you knew the words

All along in our heads 2 completely different songs

The lyrics don’t even resemble the ones I heard

I’ve grown tired of sleeping away my days and running through the nights

I know there is no escape for me so now I guess in turn there’s no escaping me

It’s true

Yearning is burning

The spark to ignite my soul, always searching

Something, damn near anything, just to fill the hole

The place in my heart

Where my dreams never went unheard

It is now nothing more than a mark

An etching that holds notions below the surface

Leaving the truth drowning in the ocean

Swollowing the darkend reality

I’m not afraid to face it

Just don’t wanna hafta fake

I can’t go on pretending everything will work out ok alrite?

Instead for now I’ll say good night and once again slip away from this reality

Back to the place where none shall ever judge nor come near enough to break thu

You can’t get to me

New Me

NewMeNew year means time for new you?

Isn’t that what we are all always saying?

Time to reflect, think of all the ways we consider ourselves imperfect.

Time to change, exchange all your bad for some new good

If I could convey one message, to the masses or even just a few

I’d tell you not to change a thing just keep on doin´ you

Forget about the prying eyes

Those who pass judgment will be the first to face it too

Not a single one of us is perfect nor should we aim to be

Don’t waste a single moment on the thoughts in someone else’s head

We have no control of that hamster wheel and they have no power no control over you unless you invite them in

If only we spent time, energy and money only on the things we should

If only we could walk away instead of followin´ the strays

All u gotta do is stay

When you get frustrated or you begin to doubt what it is your all about find a friend who can help, someone who allows u to talk yourself through

New year, new memories, new every thing if  you just allow it to be 

Mess Explained?

If you could see in my house

In case you don’t already know

How I keep it shows the level of my meantal clarity

Happy, healthy, light hearted and uplifting

Or down in the dirt, slingin’ the mud

Right at myself 

The more I hurt 

The more I hurt those around me

Like screw it 

They already knew it

I’ll be the first to jump in the mud

I’m in it like a stick 

Ya I’m stuck

Holdin’ on, head heavy 

No point movin’ on quick

On your mark get set, ready?

The fog is thick see that’s the trick

When it rolls me, when it enfolds me

Suddenly sold me on every lie

Tearing myself down 

Next I’m tearing up

On the flip, when I flick the switch

Stark against the sky

Goin’ way outdside the lines

Quick clever wit

Jump on in lets explore

Colder than the dark

Longer than the black

I wanna come back 

Just lacking the spark

Haven’t done nuthin’

Nuthin’s wrong ’round here

Until you look around my room

What’s goin on ’round here

You could never imagine the space

Holes you can see right thru

Like the soul of the excuse

The wisper of the pain 

Lifeless battery

Drained

Best

Blown outta proportion

Right outta range

Contemplated extortion, instead turning a new page

Leaving the bitterness in the blackness where it belongs

Breaking through the storm, ready to blow on 

Startin’ a fire just to watch it burn

Mustn’t forget there’s so much left to learn

Awakened

Awaiting the next turn

Bright blue skies, clear crystal eyes 

No more disguise

Hiding only hinders the healing heart 

Take advantage of the chance to make a change

Never expect perfection, never push too hard

Feel free to fold this hand, you can always draw a new card

The game is rarely easy, though it’s never really that hard

Remember to always love and to forgive 

Even when you know you could never forget

The last thing you want when looking back is to feel regret

 Heaven knows all we want ain’t always what we will get 

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

2 friends of mine are trying to win free tickets to Shambhala (if u don’t know what that is it is probably better that way so u won’t try to win the tix too lol)

***ALL U GOTTA DO IS CLICK LINK THEN LIKE Amanda Kennedys COMMENT {the one with pic above in it}***

Thanks in advance guys!

Amandas original msg to me:

Shambhala did a contest for two tickets that closes on Valentine’s Day and I was wondering if it’s possible for you to ‘like’ our photo? The link is here:

Dost Thou Need A Subject; Read Me

When I read your words I no longer know what to think.
Let alone how I feel, how alone I feel.
You checked out so long ago, I almost forgot to check in.
You speak of rain yet nothing of the drain, where all that wetness gathers
You dare not think of it washing over my feet,
it’s not over; tho we both feel defeat
Never was there deceit to cover what was between us.
Tho now I feel I’d almost welcome the comfort, under the numb.
Numb is one of the many things we never could agree upon.
I’ve never had a moment of it, tho I seek it everyday.
You’ve no need to seek it, you boldly live it in every way.
Can you really blame me for not seeing what you now say I mean?
I’m the same me I’ve been!
What say you now all powerful being?
The wolf among a flock of sheep?
The Sheppard to my lil Bo peeps?
What dost thou ask of me?
What shall I shell out now to tear thee back from hell?
Where for art thou Romeo?
Thine Juliet awaits, poison poised upon pursed lips,
Awating a kiss
Who am I trying to kid?
I am no Shakespeare, and you are no Hamlet!
No poison shall be shared!
Tho a kiss may just be enough to wake you.
I know not if it will be enough to take you,
from your long burning flame of anger and anguish.
I just wish….just wait and wish
Tell me love what dost thou say of this?
What dost thou ask of thee?

Remind To Confine

You think I say things  just to judge you?

You think you could look for one second past you?

I ain’t tryin’ to push or pull, not even nudge

I know better you won’t budge

You are the man that can’t be moved

So I just pass thru

I must have been confused,

in trying to get you to understand someone like me

If there were anyway to make you even see me,

I would have, please believe me

I don’t know what u saw then.

I don’t know what changed,

I don’t want to do this again.

Go ahead pace, just as your tiger;  you’re caged.

To busy hiding to remember the first time you saw my winged feet.

To busy now to take even a moment to hear me.

No more inquiring mind,

No more arches you seek.

No more love left to find,

Can u blame me now for feeling weak?

Bully’s Buddy

Some may be surprised to know I was picked on quite a bit in school. There are only 2 occasions I sort of remember. The only reason I remember these 2 occasions is due to me being the victor as well as telling the story a few thousand times. lol! Think about it really tho of literally hundreds of thousands of interactions loaded with rude comments and just plain mean things that were said I only vaugely remember 2.The reason  I am pointing this out is I have a much stronger more vivid memory of a Bully’s Buddy:

Years later, well after high school I was working at Subway making a sandwich for a customer when another walked in. I paused to say “Hello, I’ll be right with you” then turned back to the witty conversation we had been in the midst of. I’m not sure what was said but I can tell you we were having a good laugh, of course at no one’s expense. I then turned unknowingly, to Bully’s Buddy who asked “Your Shavon right? Shavon Taylor?  You went to Hope Secondary right?” I was surprised! I had thought I’ve never seen this guy before in my life but I said “Yep, that’s me!” With a huge smile. To whic he replied “I knew it was you I could tell by your laugh” those of u who know me know exactly what he meant and that he must have known me. I’m sure I looked extremely confused, mostly because I really was! He said “I don’t know if you remember me but I know you remember the guys I called friends, they quite often made fun of you, I never did! I never said anything mean, but I did laugh and I didn’t say anything to stop them either. It has really bothered me and I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.” I couldn’t believe what was happening. I think I said “Thank you.” It brings tears to my eyes just thinkin about that day, I was completely blown away. I know he told me his name but I don’t remember it. I wish there were more people like this man in the world, or better yet ones who do exactly what this man wished he had. Stand up for anyone being treated unfairly, put an end to the cruelty and the nonsense until it’s no longer in existance! I want to thank my Bully’s Buddy from the bottom of my heart, I can’t even begin to explain the difference your words have made…not just for me hopefully you inspired more to stand up instead of falling into line. Maybe more children will do the right thing and less will have to grow up through a childhood like mine.

Just Me

I know most must think me thoughtless

When in reality honestly, I wish I just thought less

Judge not lest ye be judged?

I’m the one judging myself every day

Questioning my reasoning 

Puzzled beyond understanding 

In the light of day I’m outstanding

Very lil do I worry about what I say or do 

In the blanket of night my doubt is resounding 

When I turn out the light it begins

The internal fight, my eternal struggle

Attempting to quiet my numbing mumbling 

Next I’m annoying myself, thinking back remembering my off moments

That’s when it begins trying to retrace, to erase entire days 

Thinking of all the lil things, the stupid, silly, unimportant things

I’ve come to realize this process is unnecessary 

Who cares if I’m unruly, as long as I’m Me completely and truly 

I may make mistakes, so what

 I’m human 

So sue me

If you don’t like what you see then maybe that’s cuz you’re not really lookin at me

If you are then your just upset cuz you know I’m nothing like you 

I’m just Me

💚

The Line

I donno what goes throught your mind.

I donno what you think let alone how you feel.

I donno how to make it better, in fact I think I’ve failed each time I’ve tried.

If I told you I don’t need you, I’m tellin you right now I lied

If I told you I’m ok and then turned n walked away, you should know I cried. 

At the too of my stairs, wishin on stars made  no difference.

Find myself wishing I could escape this place.

Escape reality, break the confines 

Brightly irratic

I’m the color outside the lines

I have no power falling petal by petal just a delicate flower.

Loiked you in the eye, how could you have known I lied?

I gotta face the truth I’ll never be with you, you never were mine.

Just wanna see your smiling face around all the time.

If your wondering how I’m doin don’t ask just know I’ll be fine.

We both know it’s the end of the line. 

Bad Mix

When we first met planets aligned everything fell into place. Like we were the only ones not fast forwarding their race. The beginning is always sweet but with you…nothing had ever felt so right! Nothing in my life before you fit me so perfectly! Happiness growing with each new day. Who could have forseen the disaster to ensue. Who would have thought mixing a little wildfire with a tiny tormado could create such a stir. In the aftermath just looking around now nothing is at all natural. Nothing left untouched, we destroyed everything in our path while devouring each other. Suddenly  all the other stood for or believed in meant nothing to either of us any longer. Now I know this fact, for myself was a very rude awakening! I can’t imagine myself taking your needs, your desires, your regrets and putting them completely out of mind. I’m so sorry my darling, my dear! My intention was never to drive you so completely crazy! It’s no wonder you could no longer open your eyes at all to even attempt to see me! How could you when all you see is my everything everywhere. My mind, my world, it’s a disaster! The truth is I’m not ashamed, it’s too bad you couldn’t see past you may have found it was the same thing we were both after.

♡CloversAllOver♡

Care Fully

wp-image-1619756968jpg.jpgYou say you’re through, you’ve had enough.

You can no longer face it!

You say you’re heart’s gone cold.

You can no longer fake it!

Angry and bitter just hating the entire world.
You’re happy remaining faceless?

I know life’s hard, and I agree sometimes completely unfair.

Maybe it’s time to stopen acting and try to actually care

Care for yourself, forget everyone else!

It doesn’t matter what people think,  what you do is up to you!

Stop acting so damned helpless,  it’s okay to ask for help!

Remember you are NOT worthless!

Everyone makes mistakes, this is not the true test!

The best way to see the best in you is not in your misstep but in your recovery.

Not the slip, nor the slide, not even the the fall

What truly matters is getting back up!

The climb, the resistance to trouble, the sheer struggle!

None of this means much after all.

When you reach the peak, when you find the peace and the happiness you have for so long refused to seek.

Looking down, looking back at all you been through, everything you overcame.

Then looking out at all that now awaits you.

Breathless

Though not fom the climb or the torture you put your mind, body and soul through,

No, your breath is taken by nothing more than the view

Your future could be so bright if you just chose to light it up!

You can’t give in now, you can’t choose to loose

Imagine the stories you’ll have to share when looking back on this time from up there!

Imagone the courage the pure strength of will

All this insight and so much more for you to shate,

All I ask of you now is just CARE

Believe me when I say you can and you will feel like you understand  everything and everyone once you see the view from up there!

Clovers All Over: Me and The Mental Map

***WARNING***

I do not claim to be a rapper, strange the things that come out when you just allow them to. When I wrote this I remember imagining that I was already famous, to be honest it usually isn’t very often I am this confident! It felt good though, really good to not only be proud of my work but surprised by it as well! I never expected to write something like this yet I’m VERY glad I did! Hope you enjoy! For those who don’t like explicit lyrics, you may want to skip this one, tho it may be worth the read…

Time to take this world by storm
Just wait ’till they  see what I got in store
Fakes n phonies just thrown to the floor
That’s rite I’m at the plate n it ain’t dinner time, nor commercial, industrial, nope not even coffee break
Imma crash down on…

View original post 396 more words

Always Mean It

Isn’t it amazing how one voiced perception can sway so many in a completely different direction?
Some try to make it seem easier to follow offering infinite protection
Assuring you that you shall never again feel or fear that cruel sting of rejection
They won’t ask much, no one expects perfection
“So long as you listen closely, do things exactly the way I say you will find no need for correction”
So easily some are entangled in their webs of deceit
Having you believe you’re winning when in reality you’ve unwittingly accepted defeat
Who could have known all alone you might feel more complete
Sadly I’ve come to realize I can rarely trust smiling faces I meet
Don’t forget each and every one of us is unique
Unfortunately there are so few left who have remained, who did not retreat
The ones you know you can always count on in your time of need
Those amazing few left unconsumed by the greed
There with only a moment’s notice, not a single hesitation nor a second wasted waiting for you beg or plead
The ones who not only mean what they say but say exactly what they mean

Daddy’s Girl

So young, so sweet, so innocent

How can this be, Daddy’s lil girl now an Angel to heaven she’s sent

No longer bound by the limitations of growing old

Never again will he be alone in his cold

She is free now to do whatever her wish, whatever she feels

Yet left here on earth is a hole in his heart he doubts will ever be healed

Eternal youth and beauty that’s how she’s remembered

For him I know there shall be no such day so cold as that day in December

How he must be hurting, I can’t even attempt to understand

All those memories will forever linger of the times he’d held her little hand

It breaks my heart to imagine how his faith too must have been stripped away that day

There are no words, no matter the strength of their comfort that will send his hurt away

How the world can be so cruel, I just can’t understand

Things can turn upside down so fast, no matter how hard you try to stick to a plan

Tears fall from many eyes on this day,

As they remember the beautiful soul taken long before her day

My only hope among all the despair is that he knows no matter the time, problem, or place

She will always be there, all he has 2 do is envision her face

A love between father and daughter may not be one to be considered rare,

Though I can tell you that love is one in which no other will ever compare

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com

Breakdown or Breakthrough

I get so incredibly frustrated because it feels like I’m running out of time  

That and the fact that no matter how I try, I just can’t keep you off my mind

I’ve said I’ve let you go, but can’t bring myself to actually do it

You say you have no feelings for me, but I truly believe there’s much more to it

Driving me crazy as even the smallest sings you refuse to acknowledge

It’s so hard for me, living life precariously teetering on the edge

Mere moments from my next break, never knowing if it will be down or through

Funny thing is no matter which way I lean, it seems I’m always leanin’ on you

The one person who believed in me when no one else would

The only one to try to help me escape a world that you just never could

I’m not sure what you want from me, if anything at all

The one thing I do know is, you’re always there to help me up after every single fall

I can’t thank you enough for all you helped me through

I just wish there was a single thing in this world I wanted, more than I desire you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Fantasized Fame

Fantasized Fame

Fantasized Fame

Takin’ power from the ground, always in motion

This chick ain’t slowin’ down for no one

I’m bout to claim my crown and show  these fools I’m not clownin’ around

Got the kinda energy none can master

They just can’t keep up with me, not that I’m even the one they’re after

I chase ’em down just for fun, love to watch ’em turn to run

Some people like games but I’m not one to be playin’ around

Y’all think I’m lost now that I’m finally found?

Tryin’ to turn this sh*t off ain’t

Sorry if now it seems I’m only tryin’ to please me

We may not be able to fool each other but we can fool ourselves easy enough

Every body’s got their story, the things they like to call rough

I’m not about to compare, I’d rather not see just how little you care

So much time I have spent helpin’ the hindered

Now that I’m lost no help left to be delivered You think I’m undeserving?

For me there seems to be less understanding

Watching my world crumble to the floor still I’m helpin’ the homeless to a door

Pickin’ up the shattered bits off the dizzying floor

Piecing them back together so they fit back in your frame

Finding time to clean up other’s messes I couldn’t even try to explain

Hang it back up on your wall

Catchin’  you right outta the sky, no more free fall

So you once again can reminisce on the good times and all that you once enjoyed

Helpin’ families find focus, yet I’m still unemployed

Can’t move ahead if I keep lookin back

I just wish I knew which cards to throw away in order to get the right ones from the stack

Gotta stay on track keep my focus on the main goal  

Maybe try judging the pot against the toll

Can’t keep goin’ all in for all of you

It’s ’bout damn time I start thinkin’ bout me too

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Stepping it up

Stepping It Up

I demand the respect you all expect for yourselves, and it’s about time

The way I allowed myself to be treated should be a crime

A crime on humanity, only showing my humility

Funny isn’t it, seeing the doormat step up to the plate

I’m done with the boys, no more 2nd rate

First class all the way, I called shot-gun and up front is where I plan to stay

Hold on tight now because you’re in for quite a ride

In the shadows I will no longer hide   I can and I will live to love myself

Taking all my insecurities and puttin’ ’em on the shelf

Won’t let you drive me crazy constantly waiting and wanting more

No more will I be pickin’ my heart up off the floor

You can’t hack this heart, good luck with around the world

How ’bout right down the drain where my brain often swirls

Up outta the gutter  I am amazing and you’d be lucky to have me

Didn’t I say I was done?

I didn’t stutter, maybe you didn’t quite hear me

Though I know I spoke quite clearly

Honestly I don’t like repeating myself, I don’t speak just for fun

So if you don’t have the time to listen, please don’t bother to ask

This communication thing really shouldn’t be such a difficult task

I must say listening is nowhere near as important as actually hearing

What is it exactly about the words I’m saying that your fearing?

The fact that I might be right or that you might actually be wrong?

You said we could never last, yet I’ve stuck around now for how long?

How many times have we said goodbye?

How many tears have I, will I cry?

It doesn’t really matter in the end honestly

I have finally realized I don’t need you or anyone

I have everything I will ever need, it’s just the same as all I will ever be

ME

Saves Me

Saves Me

I honestly don’t think I’ve stayed so quiet in my entire life

I knew not a single word I said could comfort you

As if your frustrations with life weren’t enough 

You’ve now taken on mine too

No matter how hard I wished there was anything I could say

Deep down I knew silence was the only way

For me to actually just keep my mouth shut was really a great feat

I thought of the things I wanted to say, wordlessly in my seat

Holding my breath in attempt to hold back tears

In the void of all noise my head began filling with fears

Fears of loosing you completely

Fears that this quiet would defeat me

As you know I enjoy almost every second spent next to you

Even here mouth clamped shut wondering what I should do

So for now I’ll continue to hold my hopes up real high next to my dreams

Noiselessly pushing away the inner voice trying so hard to scream

I realize you had no intention to hurt me,

In fact that’s the only thing you have ever stated clearly

You even did so right from the start

You never asked me to give you the key to my heart

I swear tho, I will never speak again if the word you’re seeking is goodbye

It’s so hard in this dead air not to allow myself to cry

I’m not sure I will ever get thru to you,

I doubt I’ll even understand you, let alone the things you do

The only thing I do know is this

You really do drive me completely crazy,

Almost as much as you amaze me 

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

The Fight: It’s for You so it’s Alright

So easily I lose sight
Suddenly so weary from the fight
Forcing myself to carry on thru all the hurt and  pain
Trying to prove to no one but myself, I really am sane
The crazy is merely my surroundings, it can’t actually be me
This whirlwind you all claim to see, the one you say I choose to be
There’s so much good I could gain if I could only gain control
Instead I keep taking on more and more adding to my plate that’s already too full
No one sees all that I take on every second of every day
I continue to help others as I fall, I don’t know how but I always find a way
Refusing to let them see my struggle,  I try so hard to hide
That’s okay tho helping others never  messes with my flow
I’ve got all the time in the world, so I’ll take my time to grow

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Defend

Leaves fall faster when we stop to think

The earth spins slowly when he starts to drink

My emotions flow ravenously when I express

Time to grab hold, erase this mess

Always hold fast to your dreams,

Admire the beauty in every scene

Focus on yourself, your well-being

Tho don’t forget to watch what goes on around you

Find and gain strength in all that surrounds you

Let nothing, not anyone hold you back

None should you allow to drag you down

Life should be a journey, not a job

Enjoyment should always come first at home

In fact it’s almost all that matters

This time respect and appreciation are demanded

Refusing to stay like all the times before,

Know she won’t be leaving  empty-handed

“No longer will I be walked on”

It’s her turn to come out on top,

She’ll be holding the heart this time

I can’t continue watching it all unravel

As it sincerely breaks mine

That’s it, that’s all, not another “fall”

She’s starting a new chapter

That’s right she’s finally moving on

No more waiting, watching, wanting more for you

No longer will she lie down

leaving herself open to your abuse

Now and forever she’s

GONE

©2013 Shavon Taylor

7 Rules of Friendship

1. No matter what the situation or the opposition you are ALWAYS on your friend’s side

1b. Even if you are completely aware they are lying/wrong
1c. You can always find out their reasoning later
1d. If the opposition happens to be your significant 
other please refer to one of the following clauses
      "Chicks before d*cks" or "Bros before h*es"

2. If you hear one of my pretendafriends talkin’ negatively behind my back and you say nothing then or to me, you are now in the pretendafriend category and if I do hear it from a true friend you will be treated as such

3. If you can’t laugh with me, don’t laugh at me

4. If we haven’t talked in a while and it’s been even longer since we have seen each other, that does not lessen our bond, in fact I believe it only makes it stronger

5. If I look/sound like a complete idiot tell me so I can fix it don’t let me make it worse

5a. Please refer to #3 

6. At any point in time if you feel you need me CALL ME, No matter where I am, who I’m with, what I’m doing (or suposed to be doing) I will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT

6a.I won’t say I expect te same from you (Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed)

6b.I will say real friends will not even bother aknowledging 6a. because we both know that’s for the pretendafriends

7. IF YOU CAN’T TAKE OR MAKE A JOKE GTFO!!

❤ You guys, no need for shout outs, if you find your self wondring if your name would be among the unmentioned list, maybe you should consider why you are unsure, then LET ME KNOW so we can work on our…

FRIENSHIP

ILOVE THAT SH*T

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Mind Over Matter

Have to stop hurting myself, hating myself, underestimating myself

I cannot undo any of what has already been done

Nor can I keep picking up my baggage as I turn to run

There are so many ways to destroy yourself

So many ways to just ignore the help

Yes, for me it has been a struggle since day one

Not a single day have I spent on my own basking in the sun

I hide in the clouds

Letting myself get lost amongst the crowds

Allowing my life to be pulled by some unseen current

You’d think a past like mine may act as a kind of deterrent

Wisdom they say is making mistakes and learning not to make them again

I often wish my hurting heart would listen to my clever weary brain

Never even taking notice of the warning signs as I race through the back roads

Like some demonic highway

If I want help I must realize it can’t always be my way

Those who offer opinions aren’t always trying to disagree

Most times they too only wish to set me free

Apparently tho I am not the only one I hide behind this mask

I watch thru the peep holes as helpers turn to monsters before my eyes

Before they can even get near their task

Once again its time to pull down the blinds

I sincerely don’t want to see the world and all humanities crimes

I’m still struggling to find real faces, for in this world it takes all kinds

At last tho I have realized this battered heart has no clue what it needs to find

So from this day forward I vow I will no longer allow it to take the controls from my mind

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com

For My Poppy

This is a poem I wrote for my Poppy. For those of you wondering Poppy is what I called my Grandpa. I wrote this after he passed and I read it at his “Celebration of Life” tho I’m not sure anyone understood the words thru my sobs. He didn’t pass on or even near Remembrance Day, it was actually around Easter. My Poppy was an amazing man who did fight in the war tho. I think the reason my loss of him hits so hard on this day may have something to do with the fact that I wish I’d thanked him for fighting for us! Maybe it even has something to do with the poppies everyone wears reminding me of just how much I miss him. I hope this makes a few people smile the way he always could! I love you Poppy, gone though never forgotten ❤ xxoxx ❤

For My Poppy

It’s so hard to believe you’re gone

Probably because in our hearts and minds you will always live on 

So determined and strong willed you would never accept defeat

I remember when I was so young, thinking just touching your big comfy red chair was a treat

You guarded that chair from miles away

Only under siege of giggles or cuddles would your defences fray

Even Nanny’s crawling plant knew enough to steer clear

Like lightning you’d strike, with one quick glance I was frozen in fear

I remember the excitement of having one sticky hand snatched up thinkin’ “oh man, so close!”

I swear I still remember every inch of that house

I still know where every candy dish was placed

So many memories that will never be erased

Like the last time I saw you, I remember this one like it was just yesterday

“Hey Bon bon how you doin’ kiddo?” I can still hear you say

As you poked my tummy in that ticklish spot, you know the one kinda low

You knew all of our torturously ticklish spots 

You must have learned them when we were just tots

I will never forget you, nor will I ever stop loving you

Just as I am so sure of the happiness it brings to our family

Knowing you now fly high with your newly found wings

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Sunny Daze

Everyday I’m searchin for a lil more sun
A lil more focus maybe a lil less fun
These wet rainy days leave me lookin’ for a dry place to sit
Another to get close to, some place I may fit
Seems the ones I tend to meet I end up wishin I could forget
Don’t get me wrong I refuse to live a life I regret
Tho these showers can be lonely and cold
My future, my happiness remains untold
My entire lifetime I may spend searchin’ for you
All the while you might be just behind me racing to pursue
Like the fresh forest floor covered in dew
I wake each morning seeking something new
A reason for being, checking the window in hopes its a rainbow Ill be seeing
Tho I don’t let the storms outside get to me
For i know deep down happiness will one day find me
That will be the day i break free finally
Free from the rain, the pain, walking proudly, no shame
Somehow you will know how to tame my flame
As you ignite the spark
I will know I will never agian endure another nite alone in the dark
Together we will always find the sun
Where we will so happily run
Away from the sadness and gloom falling into a bed of laughter in our own room
A place where love and care will forever live
A place where there’s no wrong we would commit that the other couldn’t forgive
At times it hurts to stay locked in my head
In the feilds of flowers I’d much rather tred
Alone searching for those sunny days is where I remain instead
I know I can‘t do this all on my own
Still I’ll refuse to go on in misery each day only to grumble and groan
One day happiness will be my home
Together in the sun we will shine
For I am yours and you will be mine

wi©2013 Shavon Taylor

Love Deprived

I cannot sleep another second, nor can I go on with my eyes closed
So much of my life I’ve just slept away, so much I missed while I just dozed
Dreams so rarely find me in the night, more often it’s nightmares that wake me with such fright
That’s when I find myself reaching for the light instead of you to hold me tight
I hate to have to admit to fear,especially when you’re not here
When I have to shake it off and pretend it’s all ok
While I’m forced to carry on thru what seems like such a hollow pointless day
You have no idea how alone I sometimes feel, like there’s no escape even when I know the cage is not real
I guess I never realized just how much strength I gain merely  from your presence, somehow the strangle hold of fears grip just lessens
It’s like it can’t get a hold on me if I’m holding you
Lately tho in the dark I still have to fight for you too
The closer we should be the faster and farther you pull away from me
Not even your nightmares keep you in my arms, in my head all I hear are alarms
You’re fading slowly, slipping from my view
You never were by my side, no matter how hard I tried or pretended I knew
All this time I thought one day we might win
Your heart tried to tell me to stop, but I fought to be a part of all I saw within
All I’ve ever wanted for us was happiness
As I tried to build more for us, you progressively gave me less
Not because you want to remain sad, not even to prove all the reasons I sometimes make you so mad
Maybe because I want it so bad, everything I’ve never had, I wanted to share with you
You say you’ve had it all and were forced to watch it falling
Tho I still believe it’s possible for you to take the chance and love, I must realize this is not a chance you will take with me

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Open My Eyes to See Me

Evermore I battle within myself
Each way I turn I feel I must go without
The endless battle with hurt and deception leaves me filled with doubt
I hurt those closest to me, mostly in fear they too may realize I’m not who I should be
I won’t allow myself to gain when I could
Only taking what is free, not asking for that which is owed to me
If I chose to I could own this world, so simply I could twirl it on my finger tip
Never again would I slip, if I’d merely step up to the plate
My passion and power are unimaginable, there’s no limits on what I might create
The fact that I stand here staring fate in the face without making a move is unfathomable
If only I let go of any and all fear
If I refused to shed another tear not shed in joy
If I could grab hold of love and life, embrace it all and finally enjoy
Well maybe I’d actually know what it is to live
Sometimes it just doesn’t matter how much you give or how much you care
It’s all about how much you do and when you’re actually there
Achievements and accomplishments are the worst things I fear
Now if I could just find a way to make me see it this clear

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Dark Sea

I hate seeing those rain clouds hanging above your head
Swimming with thoughts and feelings unsaid
I can feel your pain wash over me
Suddenly I’m right beside you drowning in that dark sea
How do I keep your head above the surface while those thoughts weigh you down like lead?
I’ve been waiting for your flood to subside, keeping all my advice inside
To just listen, just be there
I only wish all your troubles could be taken away with the tide
Unfortunately it’s not that simple, it never really is
I may be able to offer support, or comfort, even a place to keep you dry temporarily
Just know you will work your way thru it
We both know you can do it
Just as sure there will always be pain, every once in a while it has to rain
It’s what comes after the rain that makes it worthwhile to weather
Everything is so fresh and renewed
You will go back out there and fight while growing so incredibly  strong
Until again one day you find yourself sinking in that dark sea
Worry not, for you know exactly where you will find me

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Stages of Crazed Rages

So sure is he who tries to tell me who to be
So unpure the anger he forces thru me
Naive, negative, nonsensical nuisance he has become
My choices leave no comfort as they weigh on my conscience
Tho I have no intent to hurt him, his frailty seems an infants equivalence
Unable to express exactly what it would take to calm him
I’m left to guess just how to soothe him
Never before have I witnessed an outlook so grim
So focused on the f*ckery, bitterly battling everyone,
Himself and those his mind creates
His anger fills him up so full all bits of sanity left deflate
I can’t keep up with his head trips
Quite honestly the violence is frightening when he flips
I wonder when did his madness start, just how long has it been
I’m watching him fall apart, he’s bursting at the seams
All normalcy hits the floor as I realize there’s no time to make it to the door
Once again I’m in for a show
Off the handle he flys tellin’ me things I’d really rather not know
No matter how I try I can’t get him back down to earth with me
Reality remains something I can no longer make him see
It hurts to know he is so far gone
Fanatically convinced he’s merely a pawn
They’re all out to get him you see
It’s all just a game, we all want him to lose, that’s right even ME
Now he’s a lone soldier fighting his own mind
Peace, hope, sanity, serenity things he no longer even attempts to find
I thought my lil rain showers were insane
In comparison to his typhoon my crazy seems rather tame
I’m not sure there’s a way for me to help him and even if there were I’m not sure I could stay
Although my crazy may not compare to his,
In my mind I know I’m only moving closer everyday
Unfortunately my only option left is to pick up MY pieces and go the other way

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Get Up, Or Get Out

Infatuations with irritations 

Constant imitations of immature situations

Frustration combined with irrationalization leads to awkward occasions

With no occupation to busy the mind, confrontation can be quite easy to find

No sense, no reason, never can stay

Leavin’ all kinds behind

Go on pretendedly blind, stuck on play or pause

No rewind, why is it not easier to be kind?

Insanity instead is what we find

Justifications severely confined, to suit self-gratification

View is brutally battered, it needs to be refined

Alterations to be made on your ulterior motives have been outlined

Change your inspiration, gotta make changes of all kinds

Just moments of sunshine will better or brighten your day

A single second spent seeking help will lighten your way, or weigh

No reason to stay knowing all the while you’re going astray

Don’t act like you don’t know the way, or that you can forever keep your loved ones at bay

Enough of the games no more time to play 

Just open up and feel the warmth of the day

Your happiness awaits, yet inside is where you choose to stay?

Where vanity inflates as your sanity has hit the brakes

Inside is where you keep all your emotions too 

Bitterness flourishes in cold dark places, or people like you 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Mind Goggles

The mind can be a terribly treacherous tyrant,

Taking control of all emotion

Changing, replacing, rearranging all ideas or preconceived notions

Stretching farther than imagination

Turning once readily received  ideas into insane irrationalizations

As the tiniest irritations perceived become believed infatuations

Time becomes lost, caught in a free fall, it all comes undone, at what cost?

Shielded fun, yielded fruit from forgotten trees

Some so rotten, the others, never allowed to see

Tho it all still grows deep within

The beauty bestowed will silence any sin

We continue our search, some climb so high, even out on the frailest of limbs

Unfortunately the darkness still finds a way to seep in

Under cover of sleep or shade of trees in broad day light

Seeking our reason to be,  unafraid  we will fight

The trick is knowing, not merely believing what we fight for is right

Both dreams and fears are only what we have created

Our screams or tears could be so easily evaded

Instead it all builds perpetually

We may not always have a choice in our destination

You may even attempt to put the blame on destiny

We all know the seeds we plant as we go,

What they may become if allowed to grow

Just remember we all fall sometimes, so look out below

©2013 Shavon Taylor

I of the storm

I have no idea where I’m goin’
You have no idea where I’ve been
My life story is a bumpy one I don’t often care to share
People tend to look at you differently when they hear how much you’ve endured
I don’t have to explain a thing when i choose instead to remain reserved
I still haven’t quite figured out how to make the chaos stop
It keeps going even when I feel it’s done
Up that proverbial mountain I continually climb and fall, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay on top
I want to just pick up the scattered pieces and move on
Where would I begin, how am I supposed to just let go
I’ve been rolling this storm for so long now
I can’t help but wonder if it may have grown a life of its own
What if I can’t stop what I’ve started?
If after the darkness rolls out and the clouds have parted,
Will it all unravel and spin completely out of control
I guess there’s really only one way to know
I feel so ashamed, why is change so frightening
That impossibly immediate love for you struck my heart like lighting
Everything stopped spinning, for just a moment
There was a beautiful calm all around, in that brief second I saw how my life could be so different
As quickly as it came it was gone
My whole world shook and the spinning kept on
It all now seems so bleak
This storm continues to grow stronger yet I feel so weak
On my own I’m expected to accept any weather that comes my way
Like a dusty picture hanging on your wall, neglected it’s still expected to stay
In the eye of the storm I’m to remain unmoved
Spinning all around my world becomes a blur
Just what did i expect to prove
The unattainable attempting to change the unchangeable
Never once since I met him have I even looked for ground more stable
Still I wish for sanity, for silence, even for simplicity
It seems now he has only grown more afraid of me
Always keeping his distance while guarding with that enraging resistance

The Genini in Me

The Gemini and I, she and me,her and she, I…well we, rarely agree on much at all

That Gemini in me she and I swap sides rapidly

Always changing our mind, though she more than me

Together we make an unbeatable and unbearable team

Our thoughts, our mood,even our heart is so infuriatingly easy to infatuate

The Gemini in me just loves to love

Tho we both know she lacks largely in the follow thru

When she’s bored it’s those heart-strings with which she guides the arrows thru her bow

Pulling not only my heart but my love in a million directions

Mighty butterflies flutter by surprisingly piquing some new interest

Thankfully few of her arrows have the power of Cupid’s

Every so often she shows me tail feathers, of his she stole, all we have left on our side

We just love our emotional roller coaster ride, tho we try not to ride it often

We still cry some days over that arrow

I wish I had a clue as to which direction she even sent it

Don’t feel sad, for what were once monumental moments are now merely misty memories

Soon she and I, her and me, me and she will be quite easily swayed onto new thoughts

I only wish we would take more care with the mental mapping, because its beginning to feel like some how, some where,

The Gemini n I, our past, our present, and our future are now overlapping

©2013 Shavon Taylor

For My Friend, You Are The Best

The people who are lucky enough to have you in their lives are blessed!

Believe me it’s true, even if they don’t show it.

It’s only because they just don’t know it yet,

Possibly a few some how just forget.

I am so happy for you a beautiful wife and mother,

A friend like no other.

I always knew if I ever needed you, you’d be right there.

You have overcome so much, your parents must be so proud!

We are two of a kind you and I 

We’ve always stood out from the crowd

Never doing things the conventional way,

Often too our kind caring hearts would lead us astray

Now seeing all you have accomplished gives me a bit of hope

One day you decided enough was enough, and you left before your sanity broke

You knew you deserved so much better and that happiness would soon find you

One day soon I know  I  will do the same, and get it together too.

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Dee Nile the River of Real Eyes-ation

Can you open your eyes and see more than just the river washing you away from me?

Is it really so much easier to deny than to actually allow it to be?

Continue on faking your way thru as you float astray

I can not hold you, if I could I still would not contain you

So go on living your cool cruel life the way you do

There’s no need for you to look me in the eyes

No need for truth, in fact I prefer your lies

I see right thru them so paper thin, where do I begin?

Shall I let go, move on and just find some one new?

Or do I wage this tsunami and fight for you?

This trip to realization has been quite tiresome

I almost can’t remember where it started from

Sloshing on, in this water I continue to tred 

Can’t we start over, fresh and new instead?

Why is it so impossible to get you outta my head?

Will I just float on forever like thoughts in the breeze?

Forever waiting for you to claim me?

This river is merciless, at times relentless

I find myself wishing, “If only you meant less”

Then somehow maybe I could finally free myself of you

Would you suddenly be the one racing to pursue?

They say if you love someone you should set them free

My biggest fear tho is that you won’t even stop to look back for me

In Sanity

This place I thought was once my home

It almost seems as if it’s the only one I’d ever known

My flare, my spark, you know, that bit of me that sets me apart

Recently it’s beginning to feel more like a mark

A signal, a sign following me all the time

Telling those around me I’m not fine

In Sanity, the insane is me, completely crazy

The only one in this place quite like me 

I’ve visited Sanity so seldom lately, I no longer feel welcomed

Once loved and cherished for my flare

Now shoved then banished for my flaws

In Sanity they can’t make up my mind

Independent thoughts?

Few of their population will even think to find

Merely sheep following the masses

I used to pretend this place was too my home

Now to these people I am unknown

When I come around tho I can see some find it hard to pick a side

Interested, intrigued, tho too insecure so still I must hide

In Sanity they are all well rested, so no use trying to run

They’d catch me for sure 

My spark, my flair, the way they stare

If they want to act like I don’t matter than why should I care?

A sign, a signal, not to lose track of time or your world might end up like mine

Still they stall, too afraid to fall

In Sanity tho they would never admit it, they crave me 

Their only chance to save their world you see, is me 

In Sanity they need the insanity to set them free

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Seeing Sounds (Trippin’ on Troubled Times)

Rainbow trails lead to purple puddles

Drip drops in flip flops

Climbing and falling from tree tops

Clean and fresh never lettin’ it get stale

Still so frail, still we need

Frantic timing as I’m stalling

I see it stops as I start to look in between

Thoughts pop, as bubbles burst

Teeter totter, should I  bother

Merry go rounds, on our playgrounds

Sandboxes full of castles

The tide can wash it all away

How does water cast shadows?

No need to hide, here’s the lost and found

So instead seek change, rearrange, shake it up

Make your life exactly what you want it to be

Solidify your dreams

You’re in control of your destiny

Choose your own path, forget the past

Everything can be flipped so fast

Can’t always play it safe, don’t fade into the background

Don’t be afraid to make a sound

Cause a stir, fly past it all in a blur

A whirlwind isn’t always a disaster,

Just as calm doesn’t mean trouble’s stayed

Can’t judge what’s inside from just what you see

Who knows maybe you’re exactly like me

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Face This and Fake Less or Remain Faceless

Lookin’ at my heart all battered and bruised,

I can’t help but wonder how I let it all get so bad

Tho my heart’s not shattered, the edges are quite tattered

You can tell it’s been well used

How can a heart so open and so pure, look so sad?

Why is it not shinning and brilliant?

It seems the more I open it up, the more damage it must endure

A true heart must always try to be prepared and remain resilient

For there are many dark hearts out there who see good intentions as good lure

How do you protect such a beautiful fragile thing?

All the while taking care not to jade it

Protection from the cruel chill some bitterly cold people bring

Trying to remember just what made it,

Forgetting any attempts made to break it

Never giving up, nor giving in, but continuing to move on

To be strong and always be sure to give your heart, that way no one can ever take it

If we all loved the way we should, we could all win

If we could all only trust each other enough instead of proving each other wrong

Look at the beauty that dwells down deep in the few who still give their hearts so willingly

See past the smile painted on their face, do you see their pain, isn’t that veil so thin?

Those battered beaten lil hearts may be damaged but they continue beating

Getting up after every fall hoping to finally find another heart just as welcoming

Another who not only see the power but the pain and imperfections too

Some one who loves it all and wants nothing more than to be at least a lil bit like you

The fake hearts hide their faces too afraid so they accept less than what they know they deserve

Stop the madness show your kindness, share your weakness, damn it show some nerve

If you can’t face your reality you’ll remain hurting with nothing to comfort you but your insanity

Wouldn’t you rather attain greatness and be just a lil bit like me?

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Hmmmm…

Couldn’t help but notice of all my posts “Who am I?” is ranked 2nd in your faves, what I’m wondering is why no one has taken a guess at the answer to the riddle…As I said in the actual post I left the last line out in hopes to intrigue some of the amazing minds here!! Would love to hear some of your ideas and honestly I would love to finally reveal the last line…I should warn you it sometimes hits similarly to a hi-5 in the face…just sayin lol

 

Here’s your chance, read and comment with your thoughts please! 😀

https://cloversallover.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/who-am-i/

Hate

I hate how much I think about u, I hate how much I care.

I hate that I have 2 go on without u, I hate that you’re never there.

I hate how often I dream of you, I hate how you go on pretending the way you do.

I hate all the times I chose to lean on you, I hate that you’re not here to help see me thru.

I hate how much you cross my mind, I hate how lil I must cross yours.

I hate thinking your love for me just isn’t there for me to find, I hate how every time I speak 2 u its like putting salt on fresh sores.

I hate how hard I tried, I hate how u never would.

I hate how hard I’ve cried, I hate how you never could.

I hate how if given the chance I don’t think I’d change a thing, I hate that all the memories I held so tight now mean nothing.

I hate how I can never take off that stupid ring, I hate my thoughts of u and all the sadness and frustration they bring.

I hate that I can’t let go, I hate that u won’t hold on.

I hate all the emotions you just never showed, I hate that now more than ever i feel like you’re actually gone.

There are so many things I want hate you for but there are too many reasons for me to ever actually hate you, no matter how badly I want to or how hard I try I will somehow still always want u.

I hate how long I’d wait for you, I hate that I can’t change the way u feel.

I hate all the fantasies I’ve create, I hate how all of this feels so unreal.

I hate myself for letting it get so bad, I hate how it all went so wrong.

I hate that u will forever remain so alone n so sad, I hate that with you just ain’t where I belong.

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Change is in Range

Slowly sliding sideways

Losing hours caught in a gaze

No one recalls why, nor intends to but stay

Towers come undone tho we fought to keep them tall

Instead we just start gliding away

Off to new lands upon which we fall

All feel defenseless, just senseless

Lost for days in a daze

Each way you turn in the maze there’s a wall

Try not to fall, it’s no trick, just a trap

No trust merely the feeling of defeat

Slowly you see your backup deplete

Enemies become of every face you meet

All still trying to remain discreet

Just then, right now, or once again

Like I’m front row center n I still can’t find my seat

Lost and confused still gotta get outta the way

Time to get up and out before we run outta time to play

Seriously gotta get serious before it’s too late

No more tempting fate

Shock, or awe, just change up your state

Stop just sitting there dwelling on all that’s unfair

Or all the people who are never there

Stop depending on or defending everyone else

Time to get it together

Get up, grow up, and go on

Move on, you can still getcha groove on

Just gotta let go

Forget bout all the things people don’t show

Stop hiding and pretending you don’t know

Like you don’t ever have to grow

You can’t stay hiding forever behind innocence, like it makes no difference

You must realize one day it becomes ignorance

Next is arrogance, is any of this beginning to make sense?

Don’t be fooled by fools who couldn’t care less bout you

Deep down you know who you are n there’s no one who can stop you

So just do what you do

Always be true to that 1 person who matters the most

YOU

Too Little Too Late

Disturbed and distraught, an angry empty head void of all thought

Ruthless while useless, killing any good

Never doing what he knows he should I must walk away now, I’m not afraid

It’s time I leave him to sleep in the bed he has made

Never doing what is right, I doubt he will ever try

Remember that old saying “outta sight outta mind” for him it’s quite the opposite

He continues to push me, still he tries to lie

Just what will it take for him to see he is all he claims to defy

His games, his stunts, even his scores, none are ever enough

His greed is deep it’s engraved in his core

Don’t make a difference to him who gets hurt or who wins

All common courtesies and senses he deserts as soon as it begins

Only he matters, just his wants, not his needs

Every other he sees as lower class so he taunts them as he walks around planting seeds

His garden tho thrives in darkness and deceit

He is one we all wish to never meet

To your face or when ever it suits his plans he can be so respectful and kind

Tho when your back is turned or you happen to be in his way

He just flips, like he’s completely out of his mind

There’s no fixing for him, no way of helping him get thru

Trust me when I say if you try to help him he will eventually hurt you too

He hurts himself every single day, I can’t watch any more so now I refuse to stay

I’ll pack my things and I’ll walk away

Sadly he’s too far gone, and  believe it or not that really hurts me to say

I never expected he could become so irate, never imagined inside he brewed such hate

Now I have no choice but to move on without looking back, tho I wish him all the best

I don’t want to believe he can’t change but the games he plays are completely insane

Trying to help him any longer will only increase my own shame

The things he has done and said are hard enough to get outta my head

Sure he as apologized but I highly doubt he has yet recognized the extent of the damage he has done

Maybe one day I will find a way to forgive him

Today instead I must walk away sadly, thinking it’s all just a sin

©2013 Shavon Taylor

At The Plate

Life keeps on throwin’ me fast balls, umpires screamin’ swing and a miss

Don’t think for a second you can stop me with a few b.s. calls

Nobody else sees a strike, just more foul balls

Not shocked to see no body speaks up, they’re on his side

No surprise silenced are the sidelines

I am human tho so every once in a while I get a lil worried

Hell, sometimes I’m down right scared

No idea just how I’ll pull thru it, but let’s be honest

Not a single one of us is born prepared

Sure, we all spend time, and effort, even money trying to get there

I can’t help but wonder how many have actually pulled it off

I’d like to see a life lead by what was written in pen

Erasers don’t work so well on ink

Here’s what I think, you’d better pencil it in

You never know what’s around the next bend

A new enemy awaiting, or your next best friend

You never really can tell, and I’ve looked pretty hard

For those simple secret words, or some spell I could just cast

Fate may have already put your future on course

Just remember tho your the only one who may determine the significance of your past

It’s your choice to live and learn, or just light a match and watch it all burn

You are not the sum of the events you have encountered

You are not bound by all you have endured

Any mistake you feel you made, deep down only you can know the cure

Don’t waste time trying to create some elaborate excuse

You can’t lie to yourself so what’s the use?

Instead of the bad memories take the good

Be firm, you are so strong so live proud

Some time or another each and every one of us have been mislead, or misunderstood

Just the same, we all procrastinate we all have that list of “I should”

So take some time but make that choice to live the life you know you could

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Real is Worth a Try

Few understand I lead by my hand, always feeling my way thru

Completely in the dark, my observations are made

Odd persuasions attempted eventually fade

Instead we trade new perspectives for a new point of view

Refusing to be reflective faking crimes we’d rather let others commit

No memories now, how quickly we forget

Try gaining from loss?

Where is the towel we should toss?

Ring around the rosy, rings around her eyes

It took a ring upon her finger to realize the truth that all that’s real lies

Now filled with tears are her real eyes

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Fork This Road

I just can’t believe how things tend to work out for me

When I’m in the darkest place

When it feels like there is no light for me to see

Out of no where a window appears

It’s open widely to let the brightness shine thru

When I the road seems too rough for me to carry on,

And I don’t know what I’m going to do

Suddenly as I turn a corner that road is split in two

I see a somewhat smoother trail,

Although it doesn’t always look easy,

It’s one that…well it somehow just suits me

I will take this path

For me it will make a world of difference

Giving me the chance to change,

Allowing me to see how my life can make sense

I’ll stop living it in past tense

Moving up, moving on, moving forward

I can make all the bitterness,

All the pain simply fade away

If I only chose to live my life the right way

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllover.com

Happiness

I lay awake at  night wondering how it all went so wrong

How could I let life slip away from me yet again?

How do I fix anything if I’m not sure how it’s broken?

How do I fix my heart if it’s no longer mine to repair?

How will I find happiness when all I see around me is sorrow?

Pain tends to be my closest friend, love the enemy I constantly battle

When I’m alone I try not to think, my heart plays tricks on my mind

I feel everything is best while it all falls upon the floor

How do I pick up the pieces of this shattered time

These hands, my hands are frozen, motionless just below the surface

I’m left grasping at thin air, one day I know I will find something solid

Until that day I’ll wear my mask of happiness for all to see, meanwhile hidden behind is a broken form of me

Happiness is the easiest emotion for others to see me portray, so readily believed

No one questions what seems so normal on the outside

If only you could see through the layers of this facade, or the energy it takes to maintain this image 

This game feels never-ending, certain to drag on 

Soon I will find a way love myself for myself

On that day I will find my own true happiness

©2010 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

All Anger Aside

Insanely infuriating at times when it seems I’ve completely lost my mind

Funny part is, it’s never my sanity I’m seeking, nope not what I’m trying to find

Just some insignificant object for some random project I’m doin’ just to kill time, fill the void

When that anxiety comes round I’m one you might actually want to avoid

It’s got nothin’ to do with you but I gotta let it out, or should I say take it out?

Either way I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talkin’ ’bout

So please just ignore it, or move along as I start to scream n shout, don’t take it personally

Whatever you do I only ask that you don’t point out the obvious or throw in your own sarcastic bitterness

That’s usually when my lil outbursts become a huge mess

I can’t…well won’t admit I’m wrong, not in the heat of the moment at least, that’s for damn sure

Silence I swear is the cure, hearing my own stupidity flung back at me

That unanswered accusation that usually makes no sense at all

Feelin’ a lil foolish and probably extremely embarrassed, I calm right down, and apologize real fast

See the truth is I am the best way to defeat me

Sayin that out loud even to me sounds so silly

Just know though truth is all I speak

I realized long ago it’s so not worth the work to keep up the lies

What’s the use in trying to hide?

Doesn’t it feel better to let everyone see what’s inside?

Wouldn’t life be that much easier if we all said exactly how we felt?

Better still exactly what we meant?

Things could be so incredibly different

Though it would help if more of us actually listened too

Maybe even did a lil more with our follow through

Hell, if that were the case I wouldn’t have to explain any of this to all of you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor

Give In or Given?

The flames lick at my conscience

Wondering would it really make that much difference?

Could it actually cause me that much harm?

Why is it evilness comes equipped with such charm?

As do the ones who do more damage than you could’ve imagined

Making it feel so incredibly right committing any sin

Knowing it’s wrong, still loosing control because it just feels so damn right

Evil never really lurks in the darkness,

Their faces aren’t hidden under hoods

No they are out in the open trying to tempt you with insanity disguised as delight

Drawing you nearer as the day moves closer to the shade of night

Twisting your insides, pulling you from any place you try to hide

Once you’ve experienced the taste

You can’t stop yourself from wanting more

The yearning is deep, so deep you can feel the pull right down to your core

Licking your lips as you think maybe just the tip

The tip of the iceberg, the height of the climb

I think I’m going to give in just this one time

©2013 Shavon Taylor

I Would, If I Could But You Can’t So We Won’t

If I could change the world, I would not change the color of the sky

Though I would break even the possibility of a lie

I wouldn’t change a single thing about a rainy day

Instead I’d make it so no one would ever again be lead astray

I would never change the meaning of a child’s laughter

If I could, I would fix the ways we think or ehat people were after

I’d still enjoy the sound of the bird’s song in the morning

I only wish I could prevent death or at least let there be more warning

I’d never want to stop a tear drop shed in joy

Though I’d happily erase all the greed, never another soul would it destroy

Even if I could I wouldn’t change the way I look at love

I wish though, I could replace the things we find so hard to let go of

I wouldn’t change my heart or even how much I care

If I could I’d transform the need for love to be equal with the need for air

I’d leave the beauty of every single sunrise and each and every sunset

Instead I would make us all forget the emotion of regret

I wouldn’t take any of the meaning in family or friends

If I could I would reinvent the way any tragedy ends

I’d erase the hate, replace the fakes, and make love the only thing worth a fight

I’d make it so no one could do wrong, and happiness would never again be gone

We could all still be different, I mean we don’t all have to like the same songs

I just want to make it so we don’t have to hurt to grow,

So we wouldn’t all have to learn damage control

No one would never have to wonder what’s right, because we would all just know

Then never again would there be an emotion we’d be too afraid to show

© 2013 Shavon Taylor

Comfortably Uncontrolled

A flurry of disaster, oh this blizzard I will master

I walk through this storm, albeit blindly

I have yet to see how these clouds bind me

I’ve merely seen a glimpse of the sunny field flowers

The thunder and lightning fuel my powers

Constantly crashing in upon the calm

Crushing dreams inside my own palm

Not willing to change one’s own ways

Inside I’ll stay for days and days

Trying to read others by what I’ve known

Thinkin’ all life’s lessons I’ve outgrown

I’ve learned all I must; I’m sure

By no means will I allow you to believe me pure

Innocent lil wind storms swirl into tornadoes

Unexpected showers become invincible undertows

My thoughts move mountains

My heart bathes in youth’s fountains

Although I know you will always remember me

Inside I am forgotten, no idea who I may be

Letting fate only take it’s course

Leave me alone in my remorse

Knowing all delusions made were my own

Complete insanity has become my home

How do you leave such a tiresome exciting place?

How do you say no to such an enticing face?

This hollow shell you think you know so well

This self-esteem comes straight from Hell

Letting go and living on

You will see me again,

In the crash of light we all call dawn

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Finally Free

As I contemplate all this change, I look around at all the good I’ve found.
Less than 6 months ago I had nothing, so in need.
The greed had taken over me, I’d lost myself.
Gone were my ideals, along with my moral ground.
Once you make up your mind you realize it takes so much less effort to live in the light.
Isn’t it funny how fast things can turn around?
It’s amazing how it all just feels so right!
Don’t be confused, I still battle my demons daily.
Yes it’s a bumpy ride but at least I’m back at the wheel.
I choose where my path shall lead.
I’m going the right direction this time, I can feel it.
Looking ahead now, that’s what I choose to do.
I will no longer look back with that aching dread.
For me; yesterday is gone, over, it’s dead.
My past is now where it belongs, where I have left it.
So it may never again define me, because today I am finally free.

© 2013 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

Who am I?

Few admit they know me, more so are those who knew me.
The ones who overcame, got bored of, or just outgrew me are the ones most often to speak freely.
No problem pointing fingers, yes they’re quick to name me.
I only wish that I could kill me, so as to never harm another like you.
To break my chains and forever remain the one you never knew.

I am leaving out the last line for the moment to give you a chance to try to guess. Would love to hear your thoughts or opinions…although I don’t think you can truly get the full effect of the poem with out the last line. That being said, happy guessing 🙂

© 2013 Shavon Taylor