Dr.Phil Impressions Part 2

Shattered, scattered like slivers of a fabroge egg

The facade I had always hoped was no mirage just disappeared

Poof!

No proof I ever saw anything at all

No evidence to even suggest a fall

All this time precariously perched on the ledge

Dragged down the rabbit hole crashing, thrashing, smashing

Trying to break the chain attached to a ton of lead

Never saw it coming

Worse now I believe I may have reached the end

He can’t face me, refusing to see the hurt

Pain I so readily took for anyone else, just to give them a chance to take a better look

Always attempting to clear another’s plate of all their hate

Everything I’ve done, all that I do

Believe it or not was all for the rest of you

Taking from me what none have even tried to give

Risking it all for the others just to give them a chtance to live

Somebody please shake me awake, this is my worst nightmare, it cant be a dream

Pulling myself together this time feels so fucking impossible

This is something that just isn’t like me

I almost feel completely defeated

I can usually so easily beat it

Yet this darkness is creeping in on me and my hand just cant find the light

I try but can’t find a way to make it all right

We’ve spent literally days talking of the importance of truth

Then you lie thru your teeth cuz you don’t wanna check what’s actually underneath

Below the surface, just under my skin

Tearing a hole right thru

I may be used to this shit from the people who never bother to care

Never thought I’d be defending myself from you

I some how do get it, we both live to be destroyed

Never thought I’d have to be suspicious of you too

Cautiously, consciously, carefully cutting you loose

I don’t care what it takes for once I refuse to lose

My last unheard words.

I thought for a moment you were almost human, like you almost cared

I have no problem admitting I’m wrong, unlike you I’m not scared!

I know you don’t like being wrong in fact I’m sure you despise it.

So don’t mind if I take a minute to rewind it.

I’d like to point out just a wee thing or two wrong with you.

I realize now it’s not just me you lie to, we both know you lie to you too.

Don’t bother trying to convince me you were and are happy before and without me.

You do not trust, you doubt me.

The funny thing is you’re so stuck, it’s stupid.

Once long ago I saw it in your eyes, you too had been struck by that drunk prick Cupid.

You went thru my things seeking anything to use to fuel your fire of distrust!

At once I read your look of disgust.

You did everything in your power to tear yourself away.

What I don’t understand is why you think you have to pretend everything is okay.

For a few days a friend floated up from the past and you let your guard down.

I’ll admit it was actually kinda nice having him around.

For 3 amazing days you let me in, a place I knew you’d never let me be again let alone stay.

To allow yourself to be happy just isn’t your way.

I’d never seen you so happy before nor a glimpse even since.

If you won’t tell me, at least admit to yourself it was nice feeling the warmth of someone else.

You held my hand, danced fingers lightly on my skin, even snuggled in close that day we slept in.

I almost feel sorry for you, living in anger just to ensure no one can hurt you.

I’ve told you more than once and proved many times I am truly incapable of telling lies.

Sadly now even if you changed your mind, it’s too late cuz you already changed mine.

I would have loved you, put none above you.

Now it’s too late and I’m not sorry to say it’s too bad cuz I really did love you.

©Jan 27 2018