The Mess of You

The lack of respect shines thru every single thing you do!
From lies to borrowing with or without permission either way there is no appreciation shown let alone care for what isn’t yours!
The same goes with my heart tho it could be yours instead you’re refusing!
Like most things in your life you continue using.
Never fearing one day you might lose it!
You believe you deserve the world.
That it should be handed to you.
Blatantly disregarding responsibility of any kind!
When departing, you don’t take the time to consider all you could be leaving behind.
When someone points out something you have done wrong, suddenly your just unkind!
You think you’re the right answer to every question without hesitation.
You think telling me half truths count as no lies?
Honey lemme tell you I’ve seen thru you since day one
I know each and every time you have disguised where you went or why you didn’t return!
I see the desperation in your every motion!
Seeing the understanding of the pain you were about to cause, this one my dear is very new!
Tho to be honest I believe it to be more hurtful than all the other shit you do.
Before that desperation equalled a lack of understanding, meant a lack of control.
Sadly this time I saw you make that choice.
Tears in your eyes as u asked for that kiss!
Twice you tasted these lips before that lie spilled from yours!
I love you.
The words you spat in my face before turning your back on me!
Before you left me for her.
The final time you made your choice without the slightest clue that we might actually be thru!
That I refuse to be runner up!
I won’t allow you to settle for me!
I am far better than you seem to believe!
I am far beyond being left behind!
Runner up is no place for a beautiful woman like me!
You think I don’t deserve any of what you give?
That’s fine baby you give her all you got!
Cuz as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing left for me!
I’ve done all I can to try to make you see.
Too bad you probably won’t even realize it even as I walk away.
Tho you will one day!
One day soon when you realize all the ways you counted on me!
The same ways you wouldn’t allow me to count on you!
The ways I was always there even when you weren’t!
The things I’d do every single fucking day!
So many reasons I don’t even have the strength to say!
You have no idea the hurt you drove deep into my soul!
So many lies!
Now its just goodbyes!
That’s all I got left for you!
That’s the first thing I’ve done for me since I met you!
You’d think it would feel good.
I’m sure you’d think a lot more of me if you saw a whole lot less of me!
I can’t continue to be less of me just to make up for the mess of you!
This damage can’t be undone!
I don’t think I can manage to run.
I know tho, I can’t stay
I can’t keep believing the lies you repeatedly say!
No more games no more hurt I’m walking the fuck away and I ain’t looking back!
Its a shame, we really were too cute
Too bad we never did get on track
I really believed we had what it takes to make it!
I’m just too tired of trying to fake it!
Don’t worry baby, this feeling, I WILL shake it


Dr.Phil Impressions Part 2

Shattered, scattered like slivers of a fabroge egg

The facade I had always hoped was no mirage just disappeared


No proof I ever saw anything at all

No evidence to even suggest a fall

All this time precariously perched on the ledge

Dragged down the rabbit hole crashing, thrashing, smashing

Trying to break the chain attached to a ton of lead

Never saw it coming

Worse now I believe I may have reached the end

He can’t face me, refusing to see the hurt

Pain I so readily took for anyone else, just to give them a chance to take a better look

Always attempting to clear another’s plate of all their hate

Everything I’ve done, all that I do

Believe it or not was all for the rest of you

Taking from me what none have even tried to give

Risking it all for the others just to give them a chtance to live

Somebody please shake me awake, this is my worst nightmare, it cant be a dream

Pulling myself together this time feels so fucking impossible

This is something that just isn’t like me

I almost feel completely defeated

I can usually so easily beat it

Yet this darkness is creeping in on me and my hand just cant find the light

I try but can’t find a way to make it all right

We’ve spent literally days talking of the importance of truth

Then you lie thru your teeth cuz you don’t wanna check what’s actually underneath

Below the surface, just under my skin

Tearing a hole right thru

I may be used to this shit from the people who never bother to care

Never thought I’d be defending myself from you

I some how do get it, we both live to be destroyed

Never thought I’d have to be suspicious of you too

Cautiously, consciously, carefully cutting you loose

I don’t care what it takes for once I refuse to lose

My last unheard words.

I thought for a moment you were almost human, like you almost cared

I have no problem admitting I’m wrong, unlike you I’m not scared!

I know you don’t like being wrong in fact I’m sure you despise it.

So don’t mind if I take a minute to rewind it.

I’d like to point out just a wee thing or two wrong with you.

I realize now it’s not just me you lie to, we both know you lie to you too.

Don’t bother trying to convince me you were and are happy before and without me.

You do not trust, you doubt me.

The funny thing is you’re so stuck, it’s stupid.

Once long ago I saw it in your eyes, you too had been struck by that drunk prick Cupid.

You went thru my things seeking anything to use to fuel your fire of distrust!

At once I read your look of disgust.

You did everything in your power to tear yourself away.

What I don’t understand is why you think you have to pretend everything is okay.

For a few days a friend floated up from the past and you let your guard down.

I’ll admit it was actually kinda nice having him around.

For 3 amazing days you let me in, a place I knew you’d never let me be again let alone stay.

To allow yourself to be happy just isn’t your way.

I’d never seen you so happy before nor a glimpse even since.

If you won’t tell me, at least admit to yourself it was nice feeling the warmth of someone else.

You held my hand, danced fingers lightly on my skin, even snuggled in close that day we slept in.

I almost feel sorry for you, living in anger just to ensure no one can hurt you.

I’ve told you more than once and proved many times I am truly incapable of telling lies.

Sadly now even if you changed your mind, it’s too late cuz you already changed mine.

I would have loved you, put none above you.

Now it’s too late and I’m not sorry to say it’s too bad cuz I really did love you.

©Jan 27 2018