Unable

Every one of us walks around pretending every day

Like we don’t ever feel the pain

Like there’s no rightful reason to feel it without shame

As if all the wrong was self-inflicted

Should not those who have wronged us be the ones convicted?

Why we torture ourselves with the blame I can’t even begin to explain

Why do we feel we must prove our selves to no one but ourselves as we push our way thru each day

No matter the lack of or actual sense in the arguments of those trying to help honestly seems to make no difference

You’d almost think I enjoyed all we’ve endured for why else would we do it?

Why continue to love the unobtainable?

Feed the unsustainable, fill what’s never drainable

Fighting the inevitable, hiding the uncontainable,  hold the unrestrainable

Still pretending we’re not somewhat unstable

Yet we’re barely able to get up let alone move on

Barely breathing yet we carry on

Looking at the world today, I have trouble pretending

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Not For Anyone, For Everyone

The ability to look forward open-heartedly

The Optimist clearing the the foggy mist of the pessimist to see clearly

Waiting only to witness the universe in it’s infinite instances

Experiencing all the appearances

Seeing only beauty in all it’s deliriousness

The dizzying feeling of taking flight

Grounded, still reeling

It’s that falling

A feeling so fleeting

Sitting, standing or walking be proud

Be tall cuz you know,

You got up, after all

Sure maybe you missed a shot

Just remember who caught the pass

Never have I seen anyone move that fast

Truth and deliverance

Bound to drive or serve

Either way you have to pay to play

Resilience is merely brilliance that managed to stand the test of time

Live The Way You Love

Funny lookin’ in the mirror yet I can’t look her in the eyes

Inside I hide so much fear from her,

Can’t let her see thru my disguise.

The pain still seeps in

The world awakens; still, she sleeps in

Letting it all pass by yet again

She hangs her head to cry

So lonely yet so full of love to give

Always searchin’ for help from above yet so low she chooses to live

Vowing one day she will let the sun shine in on her darkness

Somehow, some way she will turn all this sadness to bliss

There is no reason for anyone to not have what they need

No acceptable reason to plant the seed of greed

No longer will she allow herself to go with out

Refusing to let her judgement ever again be clouded by doubt

If only she stopped allowing the bad ones in,

She might see how much easier it could be to finally win

Her smile no longer she will fake

Another second of bitterness I honestly don’t believe she can take

This world, all humanity would prosper so greatly if we all merely did our share

If we only did things the way we all knew was fair

Never taking advantage of another for our own gain

Instead of stopping to watch what causes pain,

We could stop what created it.

Rather than fight, let’s debate a bit!

Take a lil time to listen to our fellow man, I bet we could come up with a mutually beneficial plan

Maybe take a chance

Find ways to change the world

Or just investigate it’s mysterious ways

A new view, seeing past all the games we used to play

No more excuses for committing crimes,

No need for catching people like fish on your line,

Isn’t anyone willing to make a sacrifice

In the end do you not see

We are the only ones to pay the price

Karma will come back for you,

Honestly it’s your choice if she’s nice

She only dishes what she’s taken

Still you wonder why your heart is breakin’?

If you think you haven’t earned this heartache, I’m sorry to say you are mistaken

She knows what we do, she sees all

She is not the reason you fall,

Though she could be the reason you can finally stand proud or walk tall

I realize my opinion may not mean that much to you,

That’s just fine, go on doin’ what you do.

You can take these words how ever you wish,

Just remember the same you put out,

Will end up back in your dish

©2013 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

Drip Drop

Just as I once again began to believe that there might actually be some one out there who really gets me.

I told myself it’s okay to open up, so I could invite you in.

Believing your intentions to be perfectly pure,

I looked past all our imperfections.

Facing the sun not a cloud in the sky, in all directions as far as my eye could see.

Suddenly I find myself caught in a shower of realization that maybe to me love truly is blind.

Feeling the wetness upon my cheeks while regaining the strength back in my knees.

“These drops didnt fall from these eyes did they?”

Surely they couldn’t have fallen from such an amazingly clear sky?

I was working on our foundation, could it be the irrigation burst on me?

Maybe it’s condensation?

Or is it just a lack of consideration?

Talk is cheap you see when it’s just tounge n cheek.

So I climb back into bed wide awake awaiting sleep.

Dreams can be so deceiving, especially when you chose to ignore the screams.

Please do not wake me, I fear how far I fell!

So tired now yet I still wonder “How?”

How can words be so hollow, how can this hurt be do damn hard to swallow?

How did I let n myself get back here, how did I let my guard down again?

So close I was to belief!

How close it feels to defeat, now I seek nothing but relief.

A stop to the sadness amongst my madness.

I’d much rather stay dry as I lie in my bed than to walk in the rain while you lie tellin me it’s sunny every day!

©2019 Shavon Taylor Cloversallover

🍀❤

New

I should probably thank you for making it easy not to make yet another incredibly terrible decision
Yet I still want to tell you that you can’t even begin to imagine what you’ll be missin’
Sure I’m a mess, an explosion of colour and commotion
Tho a heart so pure and full of emotion
I care beyond anything words could even describe
“Childish” some may say, voices stained with distain
I like to think I live lightly while shining brightly
When it comes to the children, man do I speak their language
We laugh and play in so much of the same ways
It should come as no surprise how easily we just understand it
Some may think me unsure
Can’t say I blame them, I tend to skip plans like flat rocks on a still water surface
Those things that matter most you may notice are those on which I refuse to sway
Keeping time with the beat isn’t quite the same as keeping to the time of day
Sure I play games, in fact I play all kinds
My one golden rule?
Never play with anothers heart or their mind
Not a sore loser
Even when it feels I lose all the time
I always dance in the rain
Weather it’s in or outdoors
Sometimes I linger for a moment longer
I like to do like the dew
As those drops fall they wash it all to start something new
I thought for a moment that rain had passed but this morning I think I’ll be dancing again too

CRASHHH

Walking through the drugstore not thinking of you at all
In fact last few days you’ve rarely crossed my mind
Then there you are out of nowhere
Suddenly you knocked me right off my feet, when
You crashhhed into me
The memories of you whisper singing to my ear so softly
I once loved u madly now all thats left is mad
I don’t know when things started going downhill or how it ever got this bad
I don’t know when I lost you
Tho I know you’re no longer next to me
Maybe it’s just me but it all seemed to fall so suddenly
I could never have imagined it would end like this
I just can’t make sense of how we got from there to here
Once tied up and twisted was the way I liked to be
Now its my emotions stuck, jumbled up inside of me
I wish we could start over again We’ve been tossed overboard instead
Cast away are the things we once thought we’d forever cherish
Lost as my thoughts we are
Out at sea
Out of sight
Out like a light
Without a fight
Can’t let you swim around my head no more
Can’t kick you out of my dreams
Can’t kick you out of this store
Please tell me how it got so sore
How we lost it all and we still pretend everything’s ok
Tell me how
Tell me if we could do it over would you still ask
“Show your world to me”
Was it all just too much for you?
Quiet now
This relationship left lifeless
shhhhhh into me n I come into…..

My last unheard words.

I thought for a moment you were almost human, like you almost cared

I have no problem admitting I’m wrong, unlike you I’m not scared!

I know you don’t like being wrong in fact I’m sure you despise it.

So don’t mind if I take a minute to rewind it.

I’d like to point out just a wee thing or two wrong with you.

I realize now it’s not just me you lie to, we both know you lie to you too.

Don’t bother trying to convince me you were and are happy before and without me.

You do not trust, you doubt me.

The funny thing is you’re so stuck, it’s stupid.

Once long ago I saw it in your eyes, you too had been struck by that drunk prick Cupid.

You went thru my things seeking anything to use to fuel your fire of distrust!

At once I read your look of disgust.

You did everything in your power to tear yourself away.

What I don’t understand is why you think you have to pretend everything is okay.

For a few days a friend floated up from the past and you let your guard down.

I’ll admit it was actually kinda nice having him around.

For 3 amazing days you let me in, a place I knew you’d never let me be again let alone stay.

To allow yourself to be happy just isn’t your way.

I’d never seen you so happy before nor a glimpse even since.

If you won’t tell me, at least admit to yourself it was nice feeling the warmth of someone else.

You held my hand, danced fingers lightly on my skin, even snuggled in close that day we slept in.

I almost feel sorry for you, living in anger just to ensure no one can hurt you.

I’ve told you more than once and proved many times I am truly incapable of telling lies.

Sadly now even if you changed your mind, it’s too late cuz you already changed mine.

I would have loved you, put none above you.

Now it’s too late and I’m not sorry to say it’s too bad cuz I really did love you.

©Jan 27 2018

Live

Isn’t it funny how people just judge

Thinking they know you just on whats perceived

Act like they know you cuz of your scene

Like what goes on around you somehow defines you

Yep you best believe they’ll deny you

Based on all the gossip

What else do you expect them to see

The picture is painted long before the numbers where drawn

No one starts with a stripped canvas

No one’s blank

Blanketed inbetween the sheets

Of music, of rain, of paper

Wrapped in pain

Paint by numbers

Aren’t we all one in the same

Don’t we all lose the same in this game

Tell me your different, show me your truth

Out in the open quit trying to hide

Maybe the road, the price, the sacrifice is too high

We all hear the whispers, we all feel the shame, just the chosen few get out

The ones who deep down just knew

We all deserve freedom

We all make the choice

Those who take the time to see thru

Those who show love to any and all

They are the ones who realize for love you don’t have to fall

To win you might have to fail

We can chose to live for love and love to live

To forget and forgive every wrong

For those brave enuf to actually live

They are the ones who continue to live on LONG AFTER THEY’RE GONE

Dost Thou Need A Subject; Read Me

When I read your words I no longer know what to think.
Let alone how I feel, how alone I feel.
You checked out so long ago, I almost forgot to check in.
You speak of rain yet nothing of the drain, where all that wetness gathers
You dare not think of it washing over my feet,
it’s not over; tho we both feel defeat
Never was there deceit to cover what was between us.
Tho now I feel I’d almost welcome the comfort, under the numb.
Numb is one of the many things we never could agree upon.
I’ve never had a moment of it, tho I seek it everyday.
You’ve no need to seek it, you boldly live it in every way.
Can you really blame me for not seeing what you now say I mean?
I’m the same me I’ve been!
What say you now all powerful being?
The wolf among a flock of sheep?
The Sheppard to my lil Bo peeps?
What dost thou ask of me?
What shall I shell out now to tear thee back from hell?
Where for art thou Romeo?
Thine Juliet awaits, poison poised upon pursed lips,
Awating a kiss
Who am I trying to kid?
I am no Shakespeare, and you are no Hamlet!
No poison shall be shared!
Tho a kiss may just be enough to wake you.
I know not if it will be enough to take you,
from your long burning flame of anger and anguish.
I just wish….just wait and wish
Tell me love what dost thou say of this?
What dost thou ask of thee?

The Line

I donno what goes throught your mind.

I donno what you think let alone how you feel.

I donno how to make it better, in fact I think I’ve failed each time I’ve tried.

If I told you I don’t need you, I’m tellin you right now I lied

If I told you I’m ok and then turned n walked away, you should know I cried. 

At the too of my stairs, wishin on stars made  no difference.

Find myself wishing I could escape this place.

Escape reality, break the confines 

Brightly irratic

I’m the color outside the lines

I have no power falling petal by petal just a delicate flower.

Loiked you in the eye, how could you have known I lied?

I gotta face the truth I’ll never be with you, you never were mine.

Just wanna see your smiling face around all the time.

If your wondering how I’m doin don’t ask just know I’ll be fine.

We both know it’s the end of the line. 

Halloween

Hall ‘o’s eve
Oh hallowed eve
Hollow is this this evening
Paint dripping from my face, quick paced away from this place
Internally screaming
Eternity haunting, grieving
Leaving
Unfeeling
I’m reeling
So deceiving, no descriptions 
New prescription, yet no healing
Barely breathing this hallowed hollow evening
Awaited invitation
Perceived pain revealing a darkend  endless swirling ceiling
On the floor want this hurt no more
Pawing, clawing, crawling
Hall ‘o’s eve not naive
I felt you leave me this hallowed hollow howled evening

Giving Thanks

Giving thanks for the encouragement, every step along the way

For the times you held my hand when you must have wanted to slap my face

For the non-judgmental ear and for disproving each and every fear

For the enlightenment during the darkest paths

For never giving up or giving in, tho giving all you had to help me win

For always following thru, never letting me down

For ignoring all the times I was blind, as I see clearly now

For always reminding me to look up at the horizon when I wanted to fall to the ground

For the times you steered me vertically, where ever you chose to lead I knew it was to keep from hurting me

For knowing one day I would realize the reasoning behind all you’d done, knowing none of it was ever done in vain

For every deep breath and every tear shed that you reminded me only washed away the pain

For saving me from the entire world when I thought I was merely some lost forsaken soul

For spinning me around and round, tho not to make me dizzy; but to keep me busy when I just wanted to run away

For not holding me back, or tying me down and for every bit of love I have ever found

I thank you for always being true and always being you

Lastly I thank you for loving me and always allowing me to be just that

Just me

©2015 Shavon Taylor                 ♥Clovers All Over♥

Miss The Abyss

Shed away all the madness It’s time to taste bliss

A moments hesitation creates only a chance to flee

Forget the silly notions of picture perfect proclivity

Letting it stop, considering the possibility

Merely tears open the abyss

That solitary secret, silence swirling seductively

Orbiting convoluted conscience, not allowed to see

Smoke screen, sweet scene, losing lucidity

Nightmares vs. Daydreams

Or could this be, the real thing staring back at me?

Trust in me as I trust in you

The rush of each kiss, washes away all doubt

The warmth in every embrace, a summery wind upon my face

You grant each and every wish, while I am at your whim

Tiger like territoriality, come take a bite outta me

The beauty beheld in our future, I cannot wait to see

©2015 Shavon Taylor                                    ♥CloversAllOver♥

For Instance

You say you’re so inspired but they know you’re wired

First you’re hired then you’re fired

Ignoring the truth as it’s transpired

Hey, maybe you’re just too tired,

Maybe you‘re transfixed

You heard the alarm sound don’t try and say you were unwarned

The only cyclone you see tho is the one you’re spinning in your own mind

Still it seems the questions dangle alongside you unanswered

Eyes blood-red, rage blurring vision enough to fake being blind

Isn’t it easier when we work things out as a team

If you could just take the time to lend a hand, even to just think about a few people other than you

When you put others first you may be amazed at the things a friendship can do

If you don’t like my blueprints I should remind you it’s possible that what you see now may be ugly

Really all you need to do is change your point of view

Like that long debated question: half empty or half full?

Tell me; how do you see your cup?

Still bitter, still angry maybe a little confused?

Try not  to decide too fast

When considering the future try not to focus too acutely on the past.

Does the rain of yesterday determine tomorrow’s forecast?

You can decide what comes next, it’s not all up to fate

Believe me I’ve been there, yes I can relate

There were many times I wouldn’t even step near the plate

Instead I chose to start over, clean slate

Pushed away the frustration of the loss

Started working to gain ground, stopped worrying so much about the cost

Got back in the game, like a boss!

Not planning on playing for keeps but sure, I’ll give that ball a toss

Negativity is nonsense,

A smile can make a world of difference

Suddenly your cares are a million miles away and you didn’t even notice the distance

Turning around to realize a near perfect existence

All it took was a different angle and a touch of persistence

Make yourself happy tho, that you should always do, keep in mind my words are just for instance

©2015 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Decypher Me

He thinks my attention is momentary  

Best way to attain it he believes is merely negative means

He sees me as a cynic, a dreamer too afraid to dream

Claims I’m hurtful and hateful,with a hole where my heart should be

Moment by moment his opinion changes of me

He expects changes from me, lays it out truthfully unknowing of the pain inflicted so cruelly

Trying to help me without tying me down, tearing me down

Unfairly I expect him to know how much my choices already weigh

Unjustly I only want for him to trust me

Pushing or pulling, none will ever move me

My emotions flash and flare with each flick of wind

Sadly sharing its strength with his words,

Each linguistic blow knocks that same wind from my sails

Stuck as the water grows stale, stagnant

The sweet salty air becomes sour, sticky, sickly

I’m finding it hard then harder to breathe

If only he knew how badly I need for him to just believe

Not to cast stones nor remind me of my crutches nor falls and fails

How could he not see, I am aware if I continue this way I may never grow

No need to point out my flaws, that’s not the attention I crave nor desire

His affection I wish could be my only infection,

Instead I’m left licking salt from my freshly healing wounds at his discretion

It may seem I don’t care, or ever plan to change

The truth is my dear; far, far more strange

I love that you make me feel loved,

You remind me of how it felt to be happy

I appreciate you showing me opportunity in all that could be

Just please; I beg of you when you do, to do so kind and gently

I understand it pains you to see me destroying my self,

Bear in mind though I do so very well already

All by myself

Realistically I am in no need of help

©2015 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Unrivaled

Take care when you unravel. 
Take care when you lift the veil.
See the storm swirls so ravenously,
Yet you hold the power to unravel me. 

A wife you may see so,
Do so tenderly when you lift that veil.
I will not lie and say I am not a mess.
Truth be told, I am everything I am meant to be!

I do not try to love you,
This comes o so naturally.
Do not be scared to see me
Do not fear you can not save me, 
For you already have!

Unravelled, unveiled, unbelievably,
You already understand how to stand beside and behind me!

So take care when you take me,
For when you do you will forever have ALL of me!

Trade a lil Luck for a lil Love?

The first 30 people to donate here

http://www.gofundme.com/75ey64

and email me their mailing address here

PleaseHelpLeiland@groups.facebook.com

will receive

A REAL 4 LEAF CLOVER

that I personally picked on St. Patty’s day this year and have since dried in one of my writing books! Not all 30 were picked at the same time, so those ones will go to the most generous donations, the rest have been picked throughout the last year from All Over the Map, see I find Clovers All Over, but I also have Clovers All Over Me!

Ever After?

How do you continually say such hurtful sh*t?

Next you apologize then I’m just supposed to forget?

Like it all just goes away?

How can you say you don’t mean the things you say, 

When you say the exact same as you said yesterday?

How can you say you love this person you so venomously describe?

How can you spit such hate, while looking me dead in the eyes?

How do you believe you love me when all other evidence proves you’re beginning to hate me?

Why is it such torture when we are together?

Who am I trying to kid, when we’re apart it ain’t much better

Every breath, every moment, every word seems to go completely unheard, unnoticed

Underestimated is the pain of such misunderstandings

Tell me, honestly if we haven’t figured out how to be happy together yet, do you think we ever can be?

If we still spend every night like this will you ever attempt to understand me?

I realize nothing I do seems right to you,

I do things a lil differently than most I’ll admit

To be completely fair tho, it’s not like I kept it a secret

What is it you used to love about me?

​Did I somehow change so immensely, or did you just finally let go of trying to make me the person you think I ought to be?

Once you say something you can’t just take it back

There’s always some truth behind it, no matter how hard the attack

Some I wish you could undo tho because they feel like the sharpest knives in my heart and trying to slice right thru

My heart that’s where you generally aim your linguistic sword, always going for the kill shot

Each blow hurts so much more than you may have thought 

Yet I get back up, trying to hold on only to be pushed back down again

Fighting so f*cking hard to just ignore the pain while refusing to show my shame

I truly am so lost you know, no matter how hard I look I rarely seem to find my way anywhere

Do you really think I float so freely thru life, nothing in my head but air?

If only you could peek inside and see all these damn thoughts weighing down on me

I’m like a chameleon always in the background, seeming to blend right in

I just can’t keep up the fight any more, it’s really beginning to look like neither one ofus will ever win

Hurting each other instead over and over,

every day and every night

Aren’t you tired from this fight, 

because honestly it looks like there’s no end in sight

©2014 Clovers All Over

Mr.Sun

Let this sun brighten your thoughts today and every day

Let him brighten not just your thoughts but also the words you say

Always remember no matter how dark your day may seem,

All it takes is the smallest ray shining through your nightmares to turn them to dreams

If you invite him in when ever you feel lost even in the dead of the night

From this day forward he will help you in your fight 

Please know this too:

All you have to do is ask and I too will join in that fight right beside you 

©2014 Shavon Taylor

CloversAllOver.com

Put a Finnish to it, Canadian Babies Should go in Boxes!

I just read this article and it literally brought tears to my eyes!

“Why Canadian babies should sleep in cardboard boxes like Finnish babies do”-The Globe and mail

The fact that the government won’t cover maternity leave unless you have paid into E.I. is bad enough, but to look at the children in Canada and the national poverty crisis! How many expectant mothers don’t even bother to see a doctor before they have no choic? The incentive plan the finnish have put in action is quite clearly an effective one! Their message is a comforting and supportive one, a small guesture that says “You matter and so does our baby.” Yes OUR baby, that baby will grow in OUR country, be taught in OUR schools, follow OUR laws, and become an essential part of our community. Don’t we want OUR children to grow up in the same nurturing and healthy environmen? Don’t we want OUR children to proudly say “I am Canadian!”? Please help me tell the Canadian governement it’s time to stop attempting to hide our problems in the boxes they keep in the back on the top shelf and start putting babies in them, with love and care in hopes to help each and every one get the start at life they deserve!

 Please sign the petition I created in hopes of providing a better beginning for a brighter tomorrow. Canadian babies can go in boxes too!

Thanks,

Shavon Taylor♥

 

Daddy’s Girl

So young, so sweet, so innocent

How can this be, Daddy’s lil girl now an Angel to heaven she’s sent

No longer bound by the limitations of growing old

Never again will he be alone in his cold

She is free now to do whatever her wish, whatever she feels

Yet left here on earth is a hole in his heart he doubts will ever be healed

Eternal youth and beauty that’s how she’s remembered

For him I know there shall be no such day so cold as that day in December

How he must be hurting, I can’t even attempt to understand

All those memories will forever linger of the times he’d held her little hand

It breaks my heart to imagine how his faith too must have been stripped away that day

There are no words, no matter the strength of their comfort that will send his hurt away

How the world can be so cruel, I just can’t understand

Things can turn upside down so fast, no matter how hard you try to stick to a plan

Tears fall from many eyes on this day,

As they remember the beautiful soul taken long before her day

My only hope among all the despair is that he knows no matter the time, problem, or place

She will always be there, all he has 2 do is envision her face

A love between father and daughter may not be one to be considered rare,

Though I can tell you that love is one in which no other will ever compare

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com

Breakdown or Breakthrough

I get so incredibly frustrated because it feels like I’m running out of time  

That and the fact that no matter how I try, I just can’t keep you off my mind

I’ve said I’ve let you go, but can’t bring myself to actually do it

You say you have no feelings for me, but I truly believe there’s much more to it

Driving me crazy as even the smallest sings you refuse to acknowledge

It’s so hard for me, living life precariously teetering on the edge

Mere moments from my next break, never knowing if it will be down or through

Funny thing is no matter which way I lean, it seems I’m always leanin’ on you

The one person who believed in me when no one else would

The only one to try to help me escape a world that you just never could

I’m not sure what you want from me, if anything at all

The one thing I do know is, you’re always there to help me up after every single fall

I can’t thank you enough for all you helped me through

I just wish there was a single thing in this world I wanted, more than I desire you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Stepping it up

I demand the respect you all expect for yourselves, and it’s about time

The way I allowed myself to be treated should be a crime

A crime on humanity, only showing my humility

Funny isn’t it, seeing the doormat step up to the plate

I’m done with the boys, no more 2nd rate

First class all the way, I called shot-gun and up front is where I plan to stay

Hold on tight now because you’re in for quite a ride

In the shadows I will no longer hide   I can and I will live to love myself

Taking all my insecurities and puttin’ ’em on the shelf

Won’t let you drive me crazy constantly waiting and wanting more

No more will I be pickin’ my heart up off the floor

You can’t hack this heart, good luck with around the world

How ’bout right down the drain where my brain often swirls

Up outta the gutter  I am amazing and you’d be lucky to have me

Didn’t I say I was done?

I didn’t stutter, maybe you didn’t quite hear me

Though I know I spoke quite clearly

Honestly I don’t like repeating myself, I don’t speak just for fun

So if you don’t have the time to listen, please don’t bother to ask

This communication thing really shouldn’t be such a difficult task

I must say listening is nowhere near as important as actually hearing

What is it exactly about the words I’m saying that your fearing?

The fact that I might be right or that you might actually be wrong?

You said we could never last, yet I’ve stuck around now for how long?

How many times have we said goodbye?

How many tears have I, will I cry?

It doesn’t really matter in the end honestly

I have finally realized I don’t need you or anyone

I have everything I will ever need, it’s just the same as all I will ever be

ME

Saves Me

I honestly don’t think I’ve stayed so quiet in my entire life

I knew not a single word I said could comfort you

As if your frustrations with life weren’t enough 

You’ve now taken on mine too

No matter how hard I wished there was anything I could say

Deep down I knew silence was the only way

For me to actually just keep my mouth shut was really a great feat

I thought of the things I wanted to say, wordlessly in my seat

Holding my breath in attempt to hold back tears

In the void of all noise my head began filling with fears

Fears of loosing you completely

Fears that this quiet would defeat me

As you know I enjoy almost every second spent next to you

Even here mouth clamped shut wondering what I should do

So for now I’ll continue to hold my hopes up real high next to my dreams

Noiselessly pushing away the inner voice trying so hard to scream

I realize you had no intention to hurt me,

In fact that’s the only thing you have ever stated clearly

You even did so right from the start

You never asked me to give you the key to my heart

I swear tho, I will never speak again if the word you’re seeking is goodbye

It’s so hard in this dead air not to allow myself to cry

I’m not sure I will ever get thru to you,

I doubt I’ll even understand you, let alone the things you do

The only thing I do know is this

You really do drive me completely crazy,

Almost as much as you amaze me 

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Mind Over Matter

Have to stop hurting myself, hating myself, underestimating myself

I cannot undo any of what has already been done

Nor can I keep picking up my baggage as I turn to run

There are so many ways to destroy yourself

So many ways to just ignore the help

Yes, for me it has been a struggle since day one

Not a single day have I spent on my own basking in the sun

I hide in the clouds

Letting myself get lost amongst the crowds

Allowing my life to be pulled by some unseen current

You’d think a past like mine may act as a kind of deterrent

Wisdom they say is making mistakes and learning not to make them again

I often wish my hurting heart would listen to my clever weary brain

Never even taking notice of the warning signs as I race through the back roads

Like some demonic highway

If I want help I must realize it can’t always be my way

Those who offer opinions aren’t always trying to disagree

Most times they too only wish to set me free

Apparently tho I am not the only one I hide behind this mask

I watch thru the peep holes as helpers turn to monsters before my eyes

Before they can even get near their task

Once again its time to pull down the blinds

I sincerely don’t want to see the world and all humanities crimes

I’m still struggling to find real faces, for in this world it takes all kinds

At last tho I have realized this battered heart has no clue what it needs to find

So from this day forward I vow I will no longer allow it to take the controls from my mind

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com

For My Poppy

This is a poem I wrote for my Poppy. For those of you wondering Poppy is what I called my Grandpa. I wrote this after he passed and I read it at his “Celebration of Life” tho I’m not sure anyone understood the words thru my sobs. He didn’t pass on or even near Remembrance Day, it was actually around Easter. My Poppy was an amazing man who did fight in the war tho. I think the reason my loss of him hits so hard on this day may have something to do with the fact that I wish I’d thanked him for fighting for us! Maybe it even has something to do with the poppies everyone wears reminding me of just how much I miss him. I hope this makes a few people smile the way he always could! I love you Poppy, gone though never forgotten ❤ xxoxx ❤

It’s so hard to believe you’re gone

Probably because in our hearts and minds you will always live on 

So determined and strong willed you would never accept defeat

I remember when I was so young, thinking just touching your big comfy red chair was a treat

You guarded that chair from miles away

Only under siege of giggles or cuddles would your defences fray

Even Nanny’s crawling plant knew enough to steer clear

Like lightning you’d strike, with one quick glance I was frozen in fear

I remember the excitement of having one sticky hand snatched up thinkin’ “oh man, so close!”

I swear I still remember every inch of that house

I still know where every candy dish was placed

So many memories that will never be erased

Like the last time I saw you, I remember this one like it was just yesterday

“Hey Bon bon how you doin’ kiddo?” I can still hear you say

As you poked my tummy in that ticklish spot, you know the one kinda low

You knew all of our torturously ticklish spots 

You must have learned them when we were just tots

I will never forget you, nor will I ever stop loving you

Just as I am so sure of the happiness it brings to our family

Knowing you now fly high with your newly found wings

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Sunny Daze

Everyday I’m searchin‘ for a lil more sun
A lil more focus maybe a lil less fun
These wet rainy days leave me lookin’ for a dry place to sit
Another to get close to, some place I may fit
Seems the ones I tend to meet I end up wishin‘ I could forget
Don’t get me wrong I refuse to live a life I regret
Tho these showers can be lonely and cold
My future, my happiness remains untold
My entire lifetime I may spend searchin’ for you
All the while you might be just behind me racing to pursue
Like the fresh forest floor covered in dew
I wake each morning seeking something new
A reason for being, checking the window in hopes it‘s a rainbow I‘ll be seeing
Tho I don’t let the storms outside get to me
For i know deep down happiness will one day find me
That will be the day i break free finally
Free from the rain, the pain, walking proudly, no shame
Somehow you will know how to tame my flame
As you ignite the spark
I will know I will never agian endure another nite alone in the dark
Together we will always find the sun
Where we will so happily run
Away from the sadness and gloom falling into a bed of laughter in our own room
A place where love and care will forever live
A place where there’s no wrong we would commit that the other couldn’t forgive
At times it hurts to stay locked in my head
In the feilds of flowers I’d much rather tred
Alone searching for those sunny days is where I remain instead
I know I can‘t do this all on my own
Still I’ll refuse to go on in misery each day only to grumble and groan
One day happiness will be my home
Together in the sun we will shine
For I am yours and you will be mine

wi©2013 Shavon Taylor

Love Deprived

I cannot sleep another second, nor can I go on with my eyes closed
So much of my life I’ve just slept away, so much I missed while I just dozed
Dreams so rarely find me in the night, more often it’s nightmares that wake me with such fright
That’s when I find myself reaching for the light instead of you to hold me tight
I hate to have to admit to fear,especially when you’re not here
When I have to shake it off and pretend it’s all ok
While I’m forced to carry on thru what seems like such a hollow pointless day
You have no idea how alone I sometimes feel, like there’s no escape even when I know the cage is not real
I guess I never realized just how much strength I gain merely  from your presence, somehow the strangle hold of fears grip just lessens
It’s like it can’t get a hold on me if I’m holding you
Lately tho in the dark I still have to fight for you too
The closer we should be the faster and farther you pull away from me
Not even your nightmares keep you in my arms, in my head all I hear are alarms
You’re fading slowly, slipping from my view
You never were by my side, no matter how hard I tried or pretended I knew
All this time I thought one day we might win
Your heart tried to tell me to stop, but I fought to be a part of all I saw within
All I’ve ever wanted for us was happiness
As I tried to build more for us, you progressively gave me less
Not because you want to remain sad, not even to prove all the reasons I sometimes make you so mad
Maybe because I want it so bad, everything I’ve never had, I wanted to share with you
You say you’ve had it all and were forced to watch it falling
Tho I still believe it’s possible for you to take the chance and love, I must realize this is not a chance you will take with me

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Stages of Crazed Rages

So sure is he who tries to tell me who to be
So unpure the anger he forces thru me
Naive, negative, nonsensical nuisance he has become
My choices leave no comfort as they weigh on my conscience
Tho I have no intent to hurt him, his frailty seems an infants equivalence
Unable to express exactly what it would take to calm him
I’m left to guess just how to soothe him
Never before have I witnessed an outlook so grim
So focused on the f*ckery, bitterly battling everyone,
Himself and those his mind creates
His anger fills him up so full all bits of sanity left deflate
I can’t keep up with his head trips
Quite honestly the violence is frightening when he flips
I wonder when did his madness start, just how long has it been
I’m watching him fall apart, he’s bursting at the seams
All normalcy hits the floor as I realize there’s no time to make it to the door
Once again I’m in for a show
Off the handle he flys tellin’ me things I’d really rather not know
No matter how I try I can’t get him back down to earth with me
Reality remains something I can no longer make him see
It hurts to know he is so far gone
Fanatically convinced he’s merely a pawn
They’re all out to get him you see
It’s all just a game, we all want him to lose, that’s right even ME
Now he’s a lone soldier fighting his own mind
Peace, hope, sanity, serenity things he no longer even attempts to find
I thought my lil rain showers were insane
In comparison to his typhoon my crazy seems rather tame
I’m not sure there’s a way for me to help him and even if there were I’m not sure I could stay
Although my crazy may not compare to his,
In my mind I know I’m only moving closer everyday
Unfortunately my only option left is to pick up MY pieces and go the other way

©2013 Shavon Taylor

I of the storm

I have no idea where I’m goin’
You have no idea where I’ve been
My life story is a bumpy one I don’t often care to share
People tend to look at you differently when they hear how much you’ve endured
I don’t have to explain a thing when i choose instead to remain reserved
I still haven’t quite figured out how to make the chaos stop
It keeps going even when I feel it’s done
Up that proverbial mountain I continually climb and fall, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay on top
I want to just pick up the scattered pieces and move on
Where would I begin, how am I supposed to just let go
I’ve been rolling this storm for so long now
I can’t help but wonder if it may have grown a life of its own
What if I can’t stop what I’ve started?
If after the darkness rolls out and the clouds have parted,
Will it all unravel and spin completely out of control
I guess there’s really only one way to know
I feel so ashamed, why is change so frightening
That impossibly immediate love for you struck my heart like lighting
Everything stopped spinning, for just a moment
There was a beautiful calm all around, in that brief second I saw how my life could be so different
As quickly as it came it was gone
My whole world shook and the spinning kept on
It all now seems so bleak
This storm continues to grow stronger yet I feel so weak
On my own I’m expected to accept any weather that comes my way
Like a dusty picture hanging on your wall, neglected it’s still expected to stay
In the eye of the storm I’m to remain unmoved
Spinning all around my world becomes a blur
Just what did i expect to prove
The unattainable attempting to change the unchangeable
Never once since I met him have I even looked for ground more stable
Still I wish for sanity, for silence, even for simplicity
It seems now he has only grown more afraid of me
Always keeping his distance while guarding with that enraging resistance

For My Friend, You Are The Best

The people who are lucky enough to have you in their lives are blessed!

Believe me it’s true, even if they don’t show it.

It’s only because they just don’t know it yet,

Possibly a few some how just forget.

I am so happy for you a beautiful wife and mother,

A friend like no other.

I always knew if I ever needed you, you’d be right there.

You have overcome so much, your parents must be so proud!

We are two of a kind you and I 

We’ve always stood out from the crowd

Never doing things the conventional way,

Often too our kind caring hearts would lead us astray

Now seeing all you have accomplished gives me a bit of hope

One day you decided enough was enough, and you left before your sanity broke

You knew you deserved so much better and that happiness would soon find you

One day soon I know  I  will do the same, and get it together too.

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Dee Nile the River of Real Eyes-ation

Can you open your eyes and see more than just the river washing you away from me?

Is it really so much easier to deny than to actually allow it to be?

Continue on faking your way thru as you float astray

I can not hold you, if I could I still would not contain you

So go on living your cool cruel life the way you do

There’s no need for you to look me in the eyes

No need for truth, in fact I prefer your lies

I see right thru them so paper thin, where do I begin?

Shall I let go, move on and just find some one new?

Or do I wage this tsunami and fight for you?

This trip to realization has been quite tiresome

I almost can’t remember where it started from

Sloshing on, in this water I continue to tred 

Can’t we start over, fresh and new instead?

Why is it so impossible to get you outta my head?

Will I just float on forever like thoughts in the breeze?

Forever waiting for you to claim me?

This river is merciless, at times relentless

I find myself wishing, “If only you meant less”

Then somehow maybe I could finally free myself of you

Would you suddenly be the one racing to pursue?

They say if you love someone you should set them free

My biggest fear tho is that you won’t even stop to look back for me

The original “Love and Lust”

Right outta my book 🙂

Face This and Fake Less or Remain Faceless

Lookin’ at my heart all battered and bruised,

I can’t help but wonder how I let it all get so bad

Tho my heart’s not shattered, the edges are quite tattered

You can tell it’s been well used

How can a heart so open and so pure, look so sad?

Why is it not shinning and brilliant?

It seems the more I open it up, the more damage it must endure

A true heart must always try to be prepared and remain resilient

For there are many dark hearts out there who see good intentions as good lure

How do you protect such a beautiful fragile thing?

All the while taking care not to jade it

Protection from the cruel chill some bitterly cold people bring

Trying to remember just what made it,

Forgetting any attempts made to break it

Never giving up, nor giving in, but continuing to move on

To be strong and always be sure to give your heart, that way no one can ever take it

If we all loved the way we should, we could all win

If we could all only trust each other enough instead of proving each other wrong

Look at the beauty that dwells down deep in the few who still give their hearts so willingly

See past the smile painted on their face, do you see their pain, isn’t that veil so thin?

Those battered beaten lil hearts may be damaged but they continue beating

Getting up after every fall hoping to finally find another heart just as welcoming

Another who not only see the power but the pain and imperfections too

Some one who loves it all and wants nothing more than to be at least a lil bit like you

The fake hearts hide their faces too afraid so they accept less than what they know they deserve

Stop the madness show your kindness, share your weakness, damn it show some nerve

If you can’t face your reality you’ll remain hurting with nothing to comfort you but your insanity

Wouldn’t you rather attain greatness and be just a lil bit like me?

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Hate

I hate how much I think about u, I hate how much I care.

I hate that I have 2 go on without u, I hate that you’re never there.

I hate how often I dream of you, I hate how you go on pretending the way you do.

I hate all the times I chose to lean on you, I hate that you’re not here to help see me thru.

I hate how much you cross my mind, I hate how lil I must cross yours.

I hate thinking your love for me just isn’t there for me to find, I hate how every time I speak 2 u its like putting salt on fresh sores.

I hate how hard I tried, I hate how u never would.

I hate how hard I’ve cried, I hate how you never could.

I hate how if given the chance I don’t think I’d change a thing, I hate that all the memories I held so tight now mean nothing.

I hate how I can never take off that stupid ring, I hate my thoughts of u and all the sadness and frustration they bring.

I hate that I can’t let go, I hate that u won’t hold on.

I hate all the emotions you just never showed, I hate that now more than ever i feel like you’re actually gone.

There are so many things I want hate you for but there are too many reasons for me to ever actually hate you, no matter how badly I want to or how hard I try I will somehow still always want u.

I hate how long I’d wait for you, I hate that I can’t change the way u feel.

I hate all the fantasies I’ve create, I hate how all of this feels so unreal.

I hate myself for letting it get so bad, I hate how it all went so wrong.

I hate that u will forever remain so alone n so sad, I hate that with you just ain’t where I belong.

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Real is Worth a Try

Few understand I lead by my hand, always feeling my way thru

Completely in the dark, my observations are made

Odd persuasions attempted eventually fade

Instead we trade new perspectives for a new point of view

Refusing to be reflective faking crimes we’d rather let others commit

No memories now, how quickly we forget

Try gaining from loss?

Where is the towel we should toss?

Ring around the rosy, rings around her eyes

It took a ring upon her finger to realize the truth that all that’s real lies

Now filled with tears are her real eyes

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Happiness

I lay awake at  night wondering how it all went so wrong

How could I let life slip away from me yet again?

How do I fix anything if I’m not sure how it’s broken?

How do I fix my heart if it’s no longer mine to repair?

How will I find happiness when all I see around me is sorrow?

Pain tends to be my closest friend, love the enemy I constantly battle

When I’m alone I try not to think, my heart plays tricks on my mind

I feel everything is best while it all falls upon the floor

How do I pick up the pieces of this shattered time

These hands, my hands are frozen, motionless just below the surface

I’m left grasping at thin air, one day I know I will find something solid

Until that day I’ll wear my mask of happiness for all to see, meanwhile hidden behind is a broken form of me

Happiness is the easiest emotion for others to see me portray, so readily believed

No one questions what seems so normal on the outside

If only you could see through the layers of this facade, or the energy it takes to maintain this image 

This game feels never-ending, certain to drag on 

Soon I will find a way love myself for myself

On that day I will find my own true happiness

©2010 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

Trophy case

I just wanted to take a moment and thank all those who have viewed and those of you who are actually following me!! It’s truly amazing to me how quickly everything can tally up!! I went into my “Trophy  Case”** which honestly even just opening it was sooooooo exciting for me but I was amazed at what I saw:

“My, aren’t you a prolific publisher! Take a look at all the achievements you’ve earned so far. Maybe you should blog about ‘em.”

LOL

I thought I would listen so here is my lil blurb on my lil blog  😉

Thanks again everyone ❤

 

**For non-bloggers:”Trophy Case” is where you get lil awards for things like 5 likes/followers, or 20 likes/followers etc.

Love & Lust

I Would, If I Could But You Can’t So We Won’t

If I could change the world, I would not change the color of the sky

Though I would break even the possibility of a lie

I wouldn’t change a single thing about a rainy day

Instead I’d make it so no one would ever again be lead astray

I would never change the meaning of a child’s laughter

If I could, I would fix the ways we think or ehat people were after

I’d still enjoy the sound of the bird’s song in the morning

I only wish I could prevent death or at least let there be more warning

I’d never want to stop a tear drop shed in joy

Though I’d happily erase all the greed, never another soul would it destroy

Even if I could I wouldn’t change the way I look at love

I wish though, I could replace the things we find so hard to let go of

I wouldn’t change my heart or even how much I care

If I could I’d transform the need for love to be equal with the need for air

I’d leave the beauty of every single sunrise and each and every sunset

Instead I would make us all forget the emotion of regret

I wouldn’t take any of the meaning in family or friends

If I could I would reinvent the way any tragedy ends

I’d erase the hate, replace the fakes, and make love the only thing worth a fight

I’d make it so no one could do wrong, and happiness would never again be gone

We could all still be different, I mean we don’t all have to like the same songs

I just want to make it so we don’t have to hurt to grow,

So we wouldn’t all have to learn damage control

No one would never have to wonder what’s right, because we would all just know

Then never again would there be an emotion we’d be too afraid to show

© 2013 Shavon Taylor