Live The Way You Love

Funny lookin’ in the mirror yet I can’t look her in the eyes

Inside I hide so much fear from her,

Can’t let her see thru my disguise.

The pain still seeps in

The world awakens; still, she sleeps in

Letting it all pass by yet again

She hangs her head to cry

So lonely yet so full of love to give

Always searchin’ for help from above yet so low she chooses to live

Vowing one day she will let the sun shine in on her darkness

Somehow, some way she will turn all this sadness to bliss

There is no reason for anyone to not have what they need

No acceptable reason to plant the seed of greed

No longer will she allow herself to go with out

Refusing to let her judgement ever again be clouded by doubt

If only she stopped allowing the bad ones in,

She might see how much easier it could be to finally win

Her smile no longer she will fake

Another second of bitterness I honestly don’t believe she can take

This world, all humanity would prosper so greatly if we all merely did our share

If we only did things the way we all knew was fair

Never taking advantage of another for our own gain

Instead of stopping to watch what causes pain,

We could stop what created it.

Rather than fight, let’s debate a bit!

Take a lil time to listen to our fellow man, I bet we could come up with a mutually beneficial plan

Maybe take a chance

Find ways to change the world

Or just investigate it’s mysterious ways

A new view, seeing past all the games we used to play

No more excuses for committing crimes,

No need for catching people like fish on your line,

Isn’t anyone willing to make a sacrifice

In the end do you not see

We are the only ones to pay the price

Karma will come back for you,

Honestly it’s your choice if she’s nice

She only dishes what she’s taken

Still you wonder why your heart is breakin’?

If you think you haven’t earned this heartache, I’m sorry to say you are mistaken

She knows what we do, she sees all

She is not the reason you fall,

Though she could be the reason you can finally stand proud or walk tall

I realize my opinion may not mean that much to you,

That’s just fine, go on doin’ what you do.

You can take these words how ever you wish,

Just remember the same you put out,

Will end up back in your dish

©2013 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

Better

Ignorance and arrogance together make for a frightening foe

Persistence combined with your resistance makes for a tiresome show

If only these infuriated children would take the time to grow

There’s so much in this world none of us know

Though it seems futile trying to make some one wake up let alone see

Seems there are just too few people out there like me

The one’s you just know when you need will be right there to care

Then eternally claiming we are the ones you can’t scare

I wear my invisible invincibles each and every day

I must admit I often wish there was another way

Can’t we finally put an end to all the fights, maybe go outside to play?

Can’t we all let go of our insecurities, stop running the other way, even just once find the courage to stay?

To hold it all together is sometimes harder than you might think

So many of us are out on that ledge, too bloody close to the brink

Just one wrong move and you’ll find your self back in a free fall

So rarely we attempt to lend a hand , too afraid we might fall from our own walls

Why must we choose to keep all our feelings inside?

Why is it we feel safest when we choose to hide?

Could it truly be that people just don’t care enough?

Or do we really think secrets or deception make us look tough?

I really doubt it makes you stronger bottling it all up

Going it alone makes it a bit harder to get back up

Life shouldn’t have to be so damned hard

The best way to win is with a team, everything could be just exactly the way we dreamed!

© Shavon Taylor 2013 “Cloversallover”

No Escape

Laughing lightly as they try to fight me

Don’t they know I’ll never truly leave them be?

I will haunt them in their nightmares and their dreams

They will wake frightened by their own screams

Let your whole world fall into my hands

I’ll let it slip slowly through my fingers like times sands

Lost but never lonely cuz ya always got me

Rarely did you come by choice; most of you in fact were brought to me

Handed over like you had no free will

No choice, just wouldn’t listen to that inner voice

Maybe that’s why your here still

Here I will hold you for as long as I can

No escaping me, don’t matter how far you ran

You need more will power than you got

If only you were earlier taught

Maybe you were, maybe you merely forgot

I wish you luck

Try to get rid of me I laugh ha f*ck…

©2014 Shavon Taylor

It Is What It Is? (I cannot stand this saying!!)

Isn’t it amazing how one voiced perception can sway so many in a completely different direction?

Some try to make it seem easier to follow offering infinite protection

Assuring you that you shall never again feel or  fear that cruel sting of rejection

They won’t ask much, no one expects perfection

“So long as you listen closely and do things exactly the way I say, you will find no need for correction”

So easily some are entangled in their  webs of deceit

Having you believe you’re winning when in reality you’ve unwittingly accepted defeat

Who could have known all alone you might feel more complete

Sadly I’ve come to realize I can rarely trust the smiling faces I meet

Tho I try not to forget each and every one of us is unique

Unfortunately there are so few left who have remained sweet

The ones you know you can always count on in your time of need

Those amazing few left unconsumed by that terrible greed

They’re there with only a moment’s notice, not a single hesitation nor a single second wasted waiting for you beg and plead

The ones who not only mean what they say, but always say exactly what they mean

© Shavon Taylor 2014

The more I hear people say this the more it bothers me! It is what it is? How about it is whatever you make of it!!!!!

Family Tree

Where problems seem apparent,
May not mean it’s all relative
If for a second you feel the need to seek help don’t give it a 2nd thought
I’ll take your hand, I’ll pull you back up
If we both stretch and still I cannot reach worry not for I’ll find you a branch
It rarely is as hard as it may seem, especially if we work as a team
Brother, sister, friend you’re of the same worth to me
I’ll do everything in my power to make your wish my will
I’ll catch you falling right out of the sky or just out of this family tree
Whomever, whatever it is you seek you will always find faith in me
I’ll fight fire with water from your “Dark Sea”
Fear will be all that drowns today
I will help you to see it can’t continue on this way
Even if I have to carry you I promise you we will make it thru to a new day

©2014 CloversAllOverShavonTaylor

Forgotten Forest

I wonder if you seek your happiness in the same way I seek mine

With such cold calculation realizing there is none there to find

Saying with such pride “I’m ready to change”

In similarity do you too hide?

Afraid to accept a challenge, too timid to rise to your feet?

Too embarrassed and ashamed to ever admit defeat

“I’m in control of my life and what I say goes”

Somehow find it hard to shake that dreadful feeling that maybe you’re wrong

 Or worse, maybe it shows

Hiding in anger for its so easy to find

All that’s needed is to press rewind Enough fuel to feed the fire and keep it burning hot

Haunted by the past even by some things you thought you forgot

You never know tho when they just might reappear

From the foggy forgotten forest, to the cripplingly crystal clear

That sad actuality that each cold and empty nite  is exactly what you chose

Loneliness lingers longer than laughter

Especially when you feel it right down to your toes

​©2014 Shavon Taylor  CloversAllOver.com

Wild Smile

Isn’t it funny the way life twists and turns?

So unsure of all those who lurk around

Can every face I meet some how be impure?

I can’t help but notice the pressure, the weight on every set of shoulders I see

I wish there were a way for me to lift off that stress

To make it feel like all the worlds troubles just weighed less

Tho how would life look if we all floated around weightless

A world full of air heads who couldn’t care less?

To walk the journey without feeling the rain can you imagine?

What then would make us realize our worth?

For without struggle there would be no victories

No accomplishments, not a single thing would make sense

Still I’m stuck here seeing these upset faces,

These Ghosts that have taken conscience places

Blank stares, lost with no dreams

Still I beg of you how can I help?

For without conscience you won’t stop, 

Without dreams you’ve no goals

Nothing to aim for 

Nothing to push you that extra inch, or often that mile

The one and only thing I have found,

That makes even the smallest difference to the people standing on either side of the fence

Is a smile

My smile I swear has impossible powers

It’s as though those around me can’t help but to join me

No matter their current status, famed or feared

My smile is one to be revered

For a brief second everyone’s worries just disappear 

If only for that quick hello, or head nod, even mere eye contact becomes some sort of smile contract

Love me or hate me you simply couldn’t stop the muscles if you tried

Don’t think you too can’t change the world in some small way too,

Simply be sincere with every smile and let your heart shine through

Watch as even the darkest souls smile back at you

©2014 Shavon Taylor  CloversAllOver.com

Changing Spots Don’t Stop

Stalled, distracted, annoyed yet not destroyed

Just a lil perturbed, no calls?

Won’t react let it all fall away instead and just take this time to play

Stressing and worrying

Debating and contemplating

STOP

In my head thoughts swirl while in my hair my finger twirls

BOUNCE

I’m ready to pounce

This kitty cat’s on the prowl

What sound will you stir from her, a pleasured purr or a playful growl

Will you give her creepy chills or will she show you her sneaky thrills

Either ways she’s quite a cheeky girl

She’s sleek and she’s slick

Quick quips slip from her lips

When you approach you’re unsteady and unsure

Will she let you pet her, are your intentions pure?

Does she really even care, who knows she might just take you right there

Duality for which she can’t be blamed

One side reserved and refined, the other just unruly, she’ll never be tamed

Which of her 9 lives will you have the pain or pleasure to endure?

Will you accept the challenge of this changeable cheetah?

If you wish to say yes, I do hope you’re sure

©2014 Shavon Taylor

Cloversallover.com

Aching Acres

Windless whispers

Rustling sound of hushed secrets

Lost in the dusk

That twilight hour Before night gives way to black darkness

The scariest time of all

Lone dew drop in a desert

The last chance of survival

Can’t let those big fish swallow you no

So small and insignificant you  seem imaginatively

Immensely winding woods

Tightly knit forest of dreams

Thoughts pop to memories

New beginnings from sad endings

A fog has drifted, dispersed

Slowly slippin on this slope

Up about it all I will float

Looking down, wondering, hoping, considering

Change is in the breeze

Change no longer a disease

Shifting slightly, Walking, talking lightly

Letting it all just fall

This time it must work

This time I’ll find the answers to it all

©2014

http://cloversallover.com/legend–key-.html

Breakdown or Breakthrough

I get so incredibly frustrated because it feels like I’m running out of time  

That and the fact that no matter how I try, I just can’t keep you off my mind

I’ve said I’ve let you go, but can’t bring myself to actually do it

You say you have no feelings for me, but I truly believe there’s much more to it

Driving me crazy as even the smallest sings you refuse to acknowledge

It’s so hard for me, living life precariously teetering on the edge

Mere moments from my next break, never knowing if it will be down or through

Funny thing is no matter which way I lean, it seems I’m always leanin’ on you

The one person who believed in me when no one else would

The only one to try to help me escape a world that you just never could

I’m not sure what you want from me, if anything at all

The one thing I do know is, you’re always there to help me up after every single fall

I can’t thank you enough for all you helped me through

I just wish there was a single thing in this world I wanted, more than I desire you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Fantasized Fame

Fantasized Fame

Fantasized Fame

Takin’ power from the ground, always in motion

This chick ain’t slowin’ down for no one

I’m bout to claim my crown and show  these fools I’m not clownin’ around

Got the kinda energy none can master

They just can’t keep up with me, not that I’m even the one they’re after

I chase ’em down just for fun, love to watch ’em turn to run

Some people like games but I’m not one to be playin’ around

Y’all think I’m lost now that I’m finally found?

Tryin’ to turn this sh*t off ain’t

Sorry if now it seems I’m only tryin’ to please me

We may not be able to fool each other but we can fool ourselves easy enough

Every body’s got their story, the things they like to call rough

I’m not about to compare, I’d rather not see just how little you care

So much time I have spent helpin’ the hindered

Now that I’m lost no help left to be delivered You think I’m undeserving?

For me there seems to be less understanding

Watching my world crumble to the floor still I’m helpin’ the homeless to a door

Pickin’ up the shattered bits off the dizzying floor

Piecing them back together so they fit back in your frame

Finding time to clean up other’s messes I couldn’t even try to explain

Hang it back up on your wall

Catchin’  you right outta the sky, no more free fall

So you once again can reminisce on the good times and all that you once enjoyed

Helpin’ families find focus, yet I’m still unemployed

Can’t move ahead if I keep lookin back

I just wish I knew which cards to throw away in order to get the right ones from the stack

Gotta stay on track keep my focus on the main goal  

Maybe try judging the pot against the toll

Can’t keep goin’ all in for all of you

It’s ’bout damn time I start thinkin’ bout me too

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Stepping it up

Stepping It Up

I demand the respect you all expect for yourselves, and it’s about time

The way I allowed myself to be treated should be a crime

A crime on humanity, only showing my humility

Funny isn’t it, seeing the doormat step up to the plate

I’m done with the boys, no more 2nd rate

First class all the way, I called shot-gun and up front is where I plan to stay

Hold on tight now because you’re in for quite a ride

In the shadows I will no longer hide   I can and I will live to love myself

Taking all my insecurities and puttin’ ’em on the shelf

Won’t let you drive me crazy constantly waiting and wanting more

No more will I be pickin’ my heart up off the floor

You can’t hack this heart, good luck with around the world

How ’bout right down the drain where my brain often swirls

Up outta the gutter  I am amazing and you’d be lucky to have me

Didn’t I say I was done?

I didn’t stutter, maybe you didn’t quite hear me

Though I know I spoke quite clearly

Honestly I don’t like repeating myself, I don’t speak just for fun

So if you don’t have the time to listen, please don’t bother to ask

This communication thing really shouldn’t be such a difficult task

I must say listening is nowhere near as important as actually hearing

What is it exactly about the words I’m saying that your fearing?

The fact that I might be right or that you might actually be wrong?

You said we could never last, yet I’ve stuck around now for how long?

How many times have we said goodbye?

How many tears have I, will I cry?

It doesn’t really matter in the end honestly

I have finally realized I don’t need you or anyone

I have everything I will ever need, it’s just the same as all I will ever be

ME

Saves Me

Saves Me

I honestly don’t think I’ve stayed so quiet in my entire life

I knew not a single word I said could comfort you

As if your frustrations with life weren’t enough 

You’ve now taken on mine too

No matter how hard I wished there was anything I could say

Deep down I knew silence was the only way

For me to actually just keep my mouth shut was really a great feat

I thought of the things I wanted to say, wordlessly in my seat

Holding my breath in attempt to hold back tears

In the void of all noise my head began filling with fears

Fears of loosing you completely

Fears that this quiet would defeat me

As you know I enjoy almost every second spent next to you

Even here mouth clamped shut wondering what I should do

So for now I’ll continue to hold my hopes up real high next to my dreams

Noiselessly pushing away the inner voice trying so hard to scream

I realize you had no intention to hurt me,

In fact that’s the only thing you have ever stated clearly

You even did so right from the start

You never asked me to give you the key to my heart

I swear tho, I will never speak again if the word you’re seeking is goodbye

It’s so hard in this dead air not to allow myself to cry

I’m not sure I will ever get thru to you,

I doubt I’ll even understand you, let alone the things you do

The only thing I do know is this

You really do drive me completely crazy,

Almost as much as you amaze me 

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

The Fight: It’s for You so it’s Alright

So easily I lose sight
Suddenly so weary from the fight
Forcing myself to carry on thru all the hurt and  pain
Trying to prove to no one but myself, I really am sane
The crazy is merely my surroundings, it can’t actually be me
This whirlwind you all claim to see, the one you say I choose to be
There’s so much good I could gain if I could only gain control
Instead I keep taking on more and more adding to my plate that’s already too full
No one sees all that I take on every second of every day
I continue to help others as I fall, I don’t know how but I always find a way
Refusing to let them see my struggle,  I try so hard to hide
That’s okay tho helping others never  messes with my flow
I’ve got all the time in the world, so I’ll take my time to grow

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Defend

Leaves fall faster when we stop to think

The earth spins slowly when he starts to drink

My emotions flow ravenously when I express

Time to grab hold, erase this mess

Always hold fast to your dreams,

Admire the beauty in every scene

Focus on yourself, your well-being

Tho don’t forget to watch what goes on around you

Find and gain strength in all that surrounds you

Let nothing, not anyone hold you back

None should you allow to drag you down

Life should be a journey, not a job

Enjoyment should always come first at home

In fact it’s almost all that matters

This time respect and appreciation are demanded

Refusing to stay like all the times before,

Know she won’t be leaving  empty-handed

“No longer will I be walked on”

It’s her turn to come out on top,

She’ll be holding the heart this time

I can’t continue watching it all unravel

As it sincerely breaks mine

That’s it, that’s all, not another “fall”

She’s starting a new chapter

That’s right she’s finally moving on

No more waiting, watching, wanting more for you

No longer will she lie down

leaving herself open to your abuse

Now and forever she’s

GONE

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Mind Over Matter

Have to stop hurting myself, hating myself, underestimating myself

I cannot undo any of what has already been done

Nor can I keep picking up my baggage as I turn to run

There are so many ways to destroy yourself

So many ways to just ignore the help

Yes, for me it has been a struggle since day one

Not a single day have I spent on my own basking in the sun

I hide in the clouds

Letting myself get lost amongst the crowds

Allowing my life to be pulled by some unseen current

You’d think a past like mine may act as a kind of deterrent

Wisdom they say is making mistakes and learning not to make them again

I often wish my hurting heart would listen to my clever weary brain

Never even taking notice of the warning signs as I race through the back roads

Like some demonic highway

If I want help I must realize it can’t always be my way

Those who offer opinions aren’t always trying to disagree

Most times they too only wish to set me free

Apparently tho I am not the only one I hide behind this mask

I watch thru the peep holes as helpers turn to monsters before my eyes

Before they can even get near their task

Once again its time to pull down the blinds

I sincerely don’t want to see the world and all humanities crimes

I’m still struggling to find real faces, for in this world it takes all kinds

At last tho I have realized this battered heart has no clue what it needs to find

So from this day forward I vow I will no longer allow it to take the controls from my mind

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com

For My Poppy

This is a poem I wrote for my Poppy. For those of you wondering Poppy is what I called my Grandpa. I wrote this after he passed and I read it at his “Celebration of Life” tho I’m not sure anyone understood the words thru my sobs. He didn’t pass on or even near Remembrance Day, it was actually around Easter. My Poppy was an amazing man who did fight in the war tho. I think the reason my loss of him hits so hard on this day may have something to do with the fact that I wish I’d thanked him for fighting for us! Maybe it even has something to do with the poppies everyone wears reminding me of just how much I miss him. I hope this makes a few people smile the way he always could! I love you Poppy, gone though never forgotten ❤ xxoxx ❤

For My Poppy

It’s so hard to believe you’re gone

Probably because in our hearts and minds you will always live on 

So determined and strong willed you would never accept defeat

I remember when I was so young, thinking just touching your big comfy red chair was a treat

You guarded that chair from miles away

Only under siege of giggles or cuddles would your defences fray

Even Nanny’s crawling plant knew enough to steer clear

Like lightning you’d strike, with one quick glance I was frozen in fear

I remember the excitement of having one sticky hand snatched up thinkin’ “oh man, so close!”

I swear I still remember every inch of that house

I still know where every candy dish was placed

So many memories that will never be erased

Like the last time I saw you, I remember this one like it was just yesterday

“Hey Bon bon how you doin’ kiddo?” I can still hear you say

As you poked my tummy in that ticklish spot, you know the one kinda low

You knew all of our torturously ticklish spots 

You must have learned them when we were just tots

I will never forget you, nor will I ever stop loving you

Just as I am so sure of the happiness it brings to our family

Knowing you now fly high with your newly found wings

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Sunny Daze

Everyday I’m searchin for a lil more sun
A lil more focus maybe a lil less fun
These wet rainy days leave me lookin’ for a dry place to sit
Another to get close to, some place I may fit
Seems the ones I tend to meet I end up wishin I could forget
Don’t get me wrong I refuse to live a life I regret
Tho these showers can be lonely and cold
My future, my happiness remains untold
My entire lifetime I may spend searchin’ for you
All the while you might be just behind me racing to pursue
Like the fresh forest floor covered in dew
I wake each morning seeking something new
A reason for being, checking the window in hopes its a rainbow Ill be seeing
Tho I don’t let the storms outside get to me
For i know deep down happiness will one day find me
That will be the day i break free finally
Free from the rain, the pain, walking proudly, no shame
Somehow you will know how to tame my flame
As you ignite the spark
I will know I will never agian endure another nite alone in the dark
Together we will always find the sun
Where we will so happily run
Away from the sadness and gloom falling into a bed of laughter in our own room
A place where love and care will forever live
A place where there’s no wrong we would commit that the other couldn’t forgive
At times it hurts to stay locked in my head
In the feilds of flowers I’d much rather tred
Alone searching for those sunny days is where I remain instead
I know I can‘t do this all on my own
Still I’ll refuse to go on in misery each day only to grumble and groan
One day happiness will be my home
Together in the sun we will shine
For I am yours and you will be mine

wi©2013 Shavon Taylor

Love Deprived

I cannot sleep another second, nor can I go on with my eyes closed
So much of my life I’ve just slept away, so much I missed while I just dozed
Dreams so rarely find me in the night, more often it’s nightmares that wake me with such fright
That’s when I find myself reaching for the light instead of you to hold me tight
I hate to have to admit to fear,especially when you’re not here
When I have to shake it off and pretend it’s all ok
While I’m forced to carry on thru what seems like such a hollow pointless day
You have no idea how alone I sometimes feel, like there’s no escape even when I know the cage is not real
I guess I never realized just how much strength I gain merely  from your presence, somehow the strangle hold of fears grip just lessens
It’s like it can’t get a hold on me if I’m holding you
Lately tho in the dark I still have to fight for you too
The closer we should be the faster and farther you pull away from me
Not even your nightmares keep you in my arms, in my head all I hear are alarms
You’re fading slowly, slipping from my view
You never were by my side, no matter how hard I tried or pretended I knew
All this time I thought one day we might win
Your heart tried to tell me to stop, but I fought to be a part of all I saw within
All I’ve ever wanted for us was happiness
As I tried to build more for us, you progressively gave me less
Not because you want to remain sad, not even to prove all the reasons I sometimes make you so mad
Maybe because I want it so bad, everything I’ve never had, I wanted to share with you
You say you’ve had it all and were forced to watch it falling
Tho I still believe it’s possible for you to take the chance and love, I must realize this is not a chance you will take with me

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Open My Eyes to See Me

Evermore I battle within myself
Each way I turn I feel I must go without
The endless battle with hurt and deception leaves me filled with doubt
I hurt those closest to me, mostly in fear they too may realize I’m not who I should be
I won’t allow myself to gain when I could
Only taking what is free, not asking for that which is owed to me
If I chose to I could own this world, so simply I could twirl it on my finger tip
Never again would I slip, if I’d merely step up to the plate
My passion and power are unimaginable, there’s no limits on what I might create
The fact that I stand here staring fate in the face without making a move is unfathomable
If only I let go of any and all fear
If I refused to shed another tear not shed in joy
If I could grab hold of love and life, embrace it all and finally enjoy
Well maybe I’d actually know what it is to live
Sometimes it just doesn’t matter how much you give or how much you care
It’s all about how much you do and when you’re actually there
Achievements and accomplishments are the worst things I fear
Now if I could just find a way to make me see it this clear

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Dark Sea

I hate seeing those rain clouds hanging above your head
Swimming with thoughts and feelings unsaid
I can feel your pain wash over me
Suddenly I’m right beside you drowning in that dark sea
How do I keep your head above the surface while those thoughts weigh you down like lead?
I’ve been waiting for your flood to subside, keeping all my advice inside
To just listen, just be there
I only wish all your troubles could be taken away with the tide
Unfortunately it’s not that simple, it never really is
I may be able to offer support, or comfort, even a place to keep you dry temporarily
Just know you will work your way thru it
We both know you can do it
Just as sure there will always be pain, every once in a while it has to rain
It’s what comes after the rain that makes it worthwhile to weather
Everything is so fresh and renewed
You will go back out there and fight while growing so incredibly  strong
Until again one day you find yourself sinking in that dark sea
Worry not, for you know exactly where you will find me

©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver

Stages of Crazed Rages

So sure is he who tries to tell me who to be
So unpure the anger he forces thru me
Naive, negative, nonsensical nuisance he has become
My choices leave no comfort as they weigh on my conscience
Tho I have no intent to hurt him, his frailty seems an infants equivalence
Unable to express exactly what it would take to calm him
I’m left to guess just how to soothe him
Never before have I witnessed an outlook so grim
So focused on the f*ckery, bitterly battling everyone,
Himself and those his mind creates
His anger fills him up so full all bits of sanity left deflate
I can’t keep up with his head trips
Quite honestly the violence is frightening when he flips
I wonder when did his madness start, just how long has it been
I’m watching him fall apart, he’s bursting at the seams
All normalcy hits the floor as I realize there’s no time to make it to the door
Once again I’m in for a show
Off the handle he flys tellin’ me things I’d really rather not know
No matter how I try I can’t get him back down to earth with me
Reality remains something I can no longer make him see
It hurts to know he is so far gone
Fanatically convinced he’s merely a pawn
They’re all out to get him you see
It’s all just a game, we all want him to lose, that’s right even ME
Now he’s a lone soldier fighting his own mind
Peace, hope, sanity, serenity things he no longer even attempts to find
I thought my lil rain showers were insane
In comparison to his typhoon my crazy seems rather tame
I’m not sure there’s a way for me to help him and even if there were I’m not sure I could stay
Although my crazy may not compare to his,
In my mind I know I’m only moving closer everyday
Unfortunately my only option left is to pick up MY pieces and go the other way

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Get Up, Or Get Out

Infatuations with irritations 

Constant imitations of immature situations

Frustration combined with irrationalization leads to awkward occasions

With no occupation to busy the mind, confrontation can be quite easy to find

No sense, no reason, never can stay

Leavin’ all kinds behind

Go on pretendedly blind, stuck on play or pause

No rewind, why is it not easier to be kind?

Insanity instead is what we find

Justifications severely confined, to suit self-gratification

View is brutally battered, it needs to be refined

Alterations to be made on your ulterior motives have been outlined

Change your inspiration, gotta make changes of all kinds

Just moments of sunshine will better or brighten your day

A single second spent seeking help will lighten your way, or weigh

No reason to stay knowing all the while you’re going astray

Don’t act like you don’t know the way, or that you can forever keep your loved ones at bay

Enough of the games no more time to play 

Just open up and feel the warmth of the day

Your happiness awaits, yet inside is where you choose to stay?

Where vanity inflates as your sanity has hit the brakes

Inside is where you keep all your emotions too 

Bitterness flourishes in cold dark places, or people like you 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Mind Goggles

The mind can be a terribly treacherous tyrant,

Taking control of all emotion

Changing, replacing, rearranging all ideas or preconceived notions

Stretching farther than imagination

Turning once readily received  ideas into insane irrationalizations

As the tiniest irritations perceived become believed infatuations

Time becomes lost, caught in a free fall, it all comes undone, at what cost?

Shielded fun, yielded fruit from forgotten trees

Some so rotten, the others, never allowed to see

Tho it all still grows deep within

The beauty bestowed will silence any sin

We continue our search, some climb so high, even out on the frailest of limbs

Unfortunately the darkness still finds a way to seep in

Under cover of sleep or shade of trees in broad day light

Seeking our reason to be,  unafraid  we will fight

The trick is knowing, not merely believing what we fight for is right

Both dreams and fears are only what we have created

Our screams or tears could be so easily evaded

Instead it all builds perpetually

We may not always have a choice in our destination

You may even attempt to put the blame on destiny

We all know the seeds we plant as we go,

What they may become if allowed to grow

Just remember we all fall sometimes, so look out below

©2013 Shavon Taylor

I of the storm

I have no idea where I’m goin’
You have no idea where I’ve been
My life story is a bumpy one I don’t often care to share
People tend to look at you differently when they hear how much you’ve endured
I don’t have to explain a thing when i choose instead to remain reserved
I still haven’t quite figured out how to make the chaos stop
It keeps going even when I feel it’s done
Up that proverbial mountain I continually climb and fall, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay on top
I want to just pick up the scattered pieces and move on
Where would I begin, how am I supposed to just let go
I’ve been rolling this storm for so long now
I can’t help but wonder if it may have grown a life of its own
What if I can’t stop what I’ve started?
If after the darkness rolls out and the clouds have parted,
Will it all unravel and spin completely out of control
I guess there’s really only one way to know
I feel so ashamed, why is change so frightening
That impossibly immediate love for you struck my heart like lighting
Everything stopped spinning, for just a moment
There was a beautiful calm all around, in that brief second I saw how my life could be so different
As quickly as it came it was gone
My whole world shook and the spinning kept on
It all now seems so bleak
This storm continues to grow stronger yet I feel so weak
On my own I’m expected to accept any weather that comes my way
Like a dusty picture hanging on your wall, neglected it’s still expected to stay
In the eye of the storm I’m to remain unmoved
Spinning all around my world becomes a blur
Just what did i expect to prove
The unattainable attempting to change the unchangeable
Never once since I met him have I even looked for ground more stable
Still I wish for sanity, for silence, even for simplicity
It seems now he has only grown more afraid of me
Always keeping his distance while guarding with that enraging resistance

The Genini in Me

The Gemini and I, she and me,her and she, I…well we, rarely agree on much at all

That Gemini in me she and I swap sides rapidly

Always changing our mind, though she more than me

Together we make an unbeatable and unbearable team

Our thoughts, our mood,even our heart is so infuriatingly easy to infatuate

The Gemini in me just loves to love

Tho we both know she lacks largely in the follow thru

When she’s bored it’s those heart-strings with which she guides the arrows thru her bow

Pulling not only my heart but my love in a million directions

Mighty butterflies flutter by surprisingly piquing some new interest

Thankfully few of her arrows have the power of Cupid’s

Every so often she shows me tail feathers, of his she stole, all we have left on our side

We just love our emotional roller coaster ride, tho we try not to ride it often

We still cry some days over that arrow

I wish I had a clue as to which direction she even sent it

Don’t feel sad, for what were once monumental moments are now merely misty memories

Soon she and I, her and me, me and she will be quite easily swayed onto new thoughts

I only wish we would take more care with the mental mapping, because its beginning to feel like some how, some where,

The Gemini n I, our past, our present, and our future are now overlapping

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Dee Nile the River of Real Eyes-ation

Can you open your eyes and see more than just the river washing you away from me?

Is it really so much easier to deny than to actually allow it to be?

Continue on faking your way thru as you float astray

I can not hold you, if I could I still would not contain you

So go on living your cool cruel life the way you do

There’s no need for you to look me in the eyes

No need for truth, in fact I prefer your lies

I see right thru them so paper thin, where do I begin?

Shall I let go, move on and just find some one new?

Or do I wage this tsunami and fight for you?

This trip to realization has been quite tiresome

I almost can’t remember where it started from

Sloshing on, in this water I continue to tred 

Can’t we start over, fresh and new instead?

Why is it so impossible to get you outta my head?

Will I just float on forever like thoughts in the breeze?

Forever waiting for you to claim me?

This river is merciless, at times relentless

I find myself wishing, “If only you meant less”

Then somehow maybe I could finally free myself of you

Would you suddenly be the one racing to pursue?

They say if you love someone you should set them free

My biggest fear tho is that you won’t even stop to look back for me

Seeing Sounds (Trippin’ on Troubled Times)

Rainbow trails lead to purple puddles

Drip drops in flip flops

Climbing and falling from tree tops

Clean and fresh never lettin’ it get stale

Still so frail, still we need

Frantic timing as I’m stalling

I see it stops as I start to look in between

Thoughts pop, as bubbles burst

Teeter totter, should I  bother

Merry go rounds, on our playgrounds

Sandboxes full of castles

The tide can wash it all away

How does water cast shadows?

No need to hide, here’s the lost and found

So instead seek change, rearrange, shake it up

Make your life exactly what you want it to be

Solidify your dreams

You’re in control of your destiny

Choose your own path, forget the past

Everything can be flipped so fast

Can’t always play it safe, don’t fade into the background

Don’t be afraid to make a sound

Cause a stir, fly past it all in a blur

A whirlwind isn’t always a disaster,

Just as calm doesn’t mean trouble’s stayed

Can’t judge what’s inside from just what you see

Who knows maybe you’re exactly like me

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Face This and Fake Less or Remain Faceless

Lookin’ at my heart all battered and bruised,

I can’t help but wonder how I let it all get so bad

Tho my heart’s not shattered, the edges are quite tattered

You can tell it’s been well used

How can a heart so open and so pure, look so sad?

Why is it not shinning and brilliant?

It seems the more I open it up, the more damage it must endure

A true heart must always try to be prepared and remain resilient

For there are many dark hearts out there who see good intentions as good lure

How do you protect such a beautiful fragile thing?

All the while taking care not to jade it

Protection from the cruel chill some bitterly cold people bring

Trying to remember just what made it,

Forgetting any attempts made to break it

Never giving up, nor giving in, but continuing to move on

To be strong and always be sure to give your heart, that way no one can ever take it

If we all loved the way we should, we could all win

If we could all only trust each other enough instead of proving each other wrong

Look at the beauty that dwells down deep in the few who still give their hearts so willingly

See past the smile painted on their face, do you see their pain, isn’t that veil so thin?

Those battered beaten lil hearts may be damaged but they continue beating

Getting up after every fall hoping to finally find another heart just as welcoming

Another who not only see the power but the pain and imperfections too

Some one who loves it all and wants nothing more than to be at least a lil bit like you

The fake hearts hide their faces too afraid so they accept less than what they know they deserve

Stop the madness show your kindness, share your weakness, damn it show some nerve

If you can’t face your reality you’ll remain hurting with nothing to comfort you but your insanity

Wouldn’t you rather attain greatness and be just a lil bit like me?

 

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Hmmmm…

Couldn’t help but notice of all my posts “Who am I?” is ranked 2nd in your faves, what I’m wondering is why no one has taken a guess at the answer to the riddle…As I said in the actual post I left the last line out in hopes to intrigue some of the amazing minds here!! Would love to hear some of your ideas and honestly I would love to finally reveal the last line…I should warn you it sometimes hits similarly to a hi-5 in the face…just sayin lol

 

Here’s your chance, read and comment with your thoughts please! 😀

https://cloversallover.wordpress.com/2013/10/09/who-am-i/

Hate

I hate how much I think about u, I hate how much I care.

I hate that I have 2 go on without u, I hate that you’re never there.

I hate how often I dream of you, I hate how you go on pretending the way you do.

I hate all the times I chose to lean on you, I hate that you’re not here to help see me thru.

I hate how much you cross my mind, I hate how lil I must cross yours.

I hate thinking your love for me just isn’t there for me to find, I hate how every time I speak 2 u its like putting salt on fresh sores.

I hate how hard I tried, I hate how u never would.

I hate how hard I’ve cried, I hate how you never could.

I hate how if given the chance I don’t think I’d change a thing, I hate that all the memories I held so tight now mean nothing.

I hate how I can never take off that stupid ring, I hate my thoughts of u and all the sadness and frustration they bring.

I hate that I can’t let go, I hate that u won’t hold on.

I hate all the emotions you just never showed, I hate that now more than ever i feel like you’re actually gone.

There are so many things I want hate you for but there are too many reasons for me to ever actually hate you, no matter how badly I want to or how hard I try I will somehow still always want u.

I hate how long I’d wait for you, I hate that I can’t change the way u feel.

I hate all the fantasies I’ve create, I hate how all of this feels so unreal.

I hate myself for letting it get so bad, I hate how it all went so wrong.

I hate that u will forever remain so alone n so sad, I hate that with you just ain’t where I belong.

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Change is in Range

Slowly sliding sideways

Losing hours caught in a gaze

No one recalls why, nor intends to but stay

Towers come undone tho we fought to keep them tall

Instead we just start gliding away

Off to new lands upon which we fall

All feel defenseless, just senseless

Lost for days in a daze

Each way you turn in the maze there’s a wall

Try not to fall, it’s no trick, just a trap

No trust merely the feeling of defeat

Slowly you see your backup deplete

Enemies become of every face you meet

All still trying to remain discreet

Just then, right now, or once again

Like I’m front row center n I still can’t find my seat

Lost and confused still gotta get outta the way

Time to get up and out before we run outta time to play

Seriously gotta get serious before it’s too late

No more tempting fate

Shock, or awe, just change up your state

Stop just sitting there dwelling on all that’s unfair

Or all the people who are never there

Stop depending on or defending everyone else

Time to get it together

Get up, grow up, and go on

Move on, you can still getcha groove on

Just gotta let go

Forget bout all the things people don’t show

Stop hiding and pretending you don’t know

Like you don’t ever have to grow

You can’t stay hiding forever behind innocence, like it makes no difference

You must realize one day it becomes ignorance

Next is arrogance, is any of this beginning to make sense?

Don’t be fooled by fools who couldn’t care less bout you

Deep down you know who you are n there’s no one who can stop you

So just do what you do

Always be true to that 1 person who matters the most

YOU

Too Little Too Late

Disturbed and distraught, an angry empty head void of all thought

Ruthless while useless, killing any good

Never doing what he knows he should I must walk away now, I’m not afraid

It’s time I leave him to sleep in the bed he has made

Never doing what is right, I doubt he will ever try

Remember that old saying “outta sight outta mind” for him it’s quite the opposite

He continues to push me, still he tries to lie

Just what will it take for him to see he is all he claims to defy

His games, his stunts, even his scores, none are ever enough

His greed is deep it’s engraved in his core

Don’t make a difference to him who gets hurt or who wins

All common courtesies and senses he deserts as soon as it begins

Only he matters, just his wants, not his needs

Every other he sees as lower class so he taunts them as he walks around planting seeds

His garden tho thrives in darkness and deceit

He is one we all wish to never meet

To your face or when ever it suits his plans he can be so respectful and kind

Tho when your back is turned or you happen to be in his way

He just flips, like he’s completely out of his mind

There’s no fixing for him, no way of helping him get thru

Trust me when I say if you try to help him he will eventually hurt you too

He hurts himself every single day, I can’t watch any more so now I refuse to stay

I’ll pack my things and I’ll walk away

Sadly he’s too far gone, and  believe it or not that really hurts me to say

I never expected he could become so irate, never imagined inside he brewed such hate

Now I have no choice but to move on without looking back, tho I wish him all the best

I don’t want to believe he can’t change but the games he plays are completely insane

Trying to help him any longer will only increase my own shame

The things he has done and said are hard enough to get outta my head

Sure he as apologized but I highly doubt he has yet recognized the extent of the damage he has done

Maybe one day I will find a way to forgive him

Today instead I must walk away sadly, thinking it’s all just a sin

©2013 Shavon Taylor

At The Plate

Life keeps on throwin’ me fast balls, umpires screamin’ swing and a miss

Don’t think for a second you can stop me with a few b.s. calls

Nobody else sees a strike, just more foul balls

Not shocked to see no body speaks up, they’re on his side

No surprise silenced are the sidelines

I am human tho so every once in a while I get a lil worried

Hell, sometimes I’m down right scared

No idea just how I’ll pull thru it, but let’s be honest

Not a single one of us is born prepared

Sure, we all spend time, and effort, even money trying to get there

I can’t help but wonder how many have actually pulled it off

I’d like to see a life lead by what was written in pen

Erasers don’t work so well on ink

Here’s what I think, you’d better pencil it in

You never know what’s around the next bend

A new enemy awaiting, or your next best friend

You never really can tell, and I’ve looked pretty hard

For those simple secret words, or some spell I could just cast

Fate may have already put your future on course

Just remember tho your the only one who may determine the significance of your past

It’s your choice to live and learn, or just light a match and watch it all burn

You are not the sum of the events you have encountered

You are not bound by all you have endured

Any mistake you feel you made, deep down only you can know the cure

Don’t waste time trying to create some elaborate excuse

You can’t lie to yourself so what’s the use?

Instead of the bad memories take the good

Be firm, you are so strong so live proud

Some time or another each and every one of us have been mislead, or misunderstood

Just the same, we all procrastinate we all have that list of “I should”

So take some time but make that choice to live the life you know you could

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Real is Worth a Try

Few understand I lead by my hand, always feeling my way thru

Completely in the dark, my observations are made

Odd persuasions attempted eventually fade

Instead we trade new perspectives for a new point of view

Refusing to be reflective faking crimes we’d rather let others commit

No memories now, how quickly we forget

Try gaining from loss?

Where is the towel we should toss?

Ring around the rosy, rings around her eyes

It took a ring upon her finger to realize the truth that all that’s real lies

Now filled with tears are her real eyes

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Trophy case

I just wanted to take a moment and thank all those who have viewed and those of you who are actually following me!! It’s truly amazing to me how quickly everything can tally up!! I went into my “Trophy  Case”** which honestly even just opening it was sooooooo exciting for me but I was amazed at what I saw:

“My, aren’t you a prolific publisher! Take a look at all the achievements you’ve earned so far. Maybe you should blog about ‘em.”

LOL

I thought I would listen so here is my lil blurb on my lil blog  😉

Thanks again everyone ❤

 

**For non-bloggers:”Trophy Case” is where you get lil awards for things like 5 likes/followers, or 20 likes/followers etc.

All Anger Aside

Insanely infuriating at times when it seems I’ve completely lost my mind

Funny part is, it’s never my sanity I’m seeking, nope not what I’m trying to find

Just some insignificant object for some random project I’m doin’ just to kill time, fill the void

When that anxiety comes round I’m one you might actually want to avoid

It’s got nothin’ to do with you but I gotta let it out, or should I say take it out?

Either way I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talkin’ ’bout

So please just ignore it, or move along as I start to scream n shout, don’t take it personally

Whatever you do I only ask that you don’t point out the obvious or throw in your own sarcastic bitterness

That’s usually when my lil outbursts become a huge mess

I can’t…well won’t admit I’m wrong, not in the heat of the moment at least, that’s for damn sure

Silence I swear is the cure, hearing my own stupidity flung back at me

That unanswered accusation that usually makes no sense at all

Feelin’ a lil foolish and probably extremely embarrassed, I calm right down, and apologize real fast

See the truth is I am the best way to defeat me

Sayin that out loud even to me sounds so silly

Just know though truth is all I speak

I realized long ago it’s so not worth the work to keep up the lies

What’s the use in trying to hide?

Doesn’t it feel better to let everyone see what’s inside?

Wouldn’t life be that much easier if we all said exactly how we felt?

Better still exactly what we meant?

Things could be so incredibly different

Though it would help if more of us actually listened too

Maybe even did a lil more with our follow through

Hell, if that were the case I wouldn’t have to explain any of this to all of you

© 2013 Shavon Taylor

Give In or Given?

The flames lick at my conscience

Wondering would it really make that much difference?

Could it actually cause me that much harm?

Why is it evilness comes equipped with such charm?

As do the ones who do more damage than you could’ve imagined

Making it feel so incredibly right committing any sin

Knowing it’s wrong, still loosing control because it just feels so damn right

Evil never really lurks in the darkness,

Their faces aren’t hidden under hoods

No they are out in the open trying to tempt you with insanity disguised as delight

Drawing you nearer as the day moves closer to the shade of night

Twisting your insides, pulling you from any place you try to hide

Once you’ve experienced the taste

You can’t stop yourself from wanting more

The yearning is deep, so deep you can feel the pull right down to your core

Licking your lips as you think maybe just the tip

The tip of the iceberg, the height of the climb

I think I’m going to give in just this one time

©2013 Shavon Taylor

I Would, If I Could But You Can’t So We Won’t

If I could change the world, I would not change the color of the sky

Though I would break even the possibility of a lie

I wouldn’t change a single thing about a rainy day

Instead I’d make it so no one would ever again be lead astray

I would never change the meaning of a child’s laughter

If I could, I would fix the ways we think or ehat people were after

I’d still enjoy the sound of the bird’s song in the morning

I only wish I could prevent death or at least let there be more warning

I’d never want to stop a tear drop shed in joy

Though I’d happily erase all the greed, never another soul would it destroy

Even if I could I wouldn’t change the way I look at love

I wish though, I could replace the things we find so hard to let go of

I wouldn’t change my heart or even how much I care

If I could I’d transform the need for love to be equal with the need for air

I’d leave the beauty of every single sunrise and each and every sunset

Instead I would make us all forget the emotion of regret

I wouldn’t take any of the meaning in family or friends

If I could I would reinvent the way any tragedy ends

I’d erase the hate, replace the fakes, and make love the only thing worth a fight

I’d make it so no one could do wrong, and happiness would never again be gone

We could all still be different, I mean we don’t all have to like the same songs

I just want to make it so we don’t have to hurt to grow,

So we wouldn’t all have to learn damage control

No one would never have to wonder what’s right, because we would all just know

Then never again would there be an emotion we’d be too afraid to show

© 2013 Shavon Taylor

Comfortably Uncontrolled

A flurry of disaster, oh this blizzard I will master

I walk through this storm, albeit blindly

I have yet to see how these clouds bind me

I’ve merely seen a glimpse of the sunny field flowers

The thunder and lightning fuel my powers

Constantly crashing in upon the calm

Crushing dreams inside my own palm

Not willing to change one’s own ways

Inside I’ll stay for days and days

Trying to read others by what I’ve known

Thinkin’ all life’s lessons I’ve outgrown

I’ve learned all I must; I’m sure

By no means will I allow you to believe me pure

Innocent lil wind storms swirl into tornadoes

Unexpected showers become invincible undertows

My thoughts move mountains

My heart bathes in youth’s fountains

Although I know you will always remember me

Inside I am forgotten, no idea who I may be

Letting fate only take it’s course

Leave me alone in my remorse

Knowing all delusions made were my own

Complete insanity has become my home

How do you leave such a tiresome exciting place?

How do you say no to such an enticing face?

This hollow shell you think you know so well

This self-esteem comes straight from Hell

Letting go and living on

You will see me again,

In the crash of light we all call dawn

©2013 Shavon Taylor

Finally Free

As I contemplate all this change, I look around at all the good I’ve found.
Less than 6 months ago I had nothing, so in need.
The greed had taken over me, I’d lost myself.
Gone were my ideals, along with my moral ground.
Once you make up your mind you realize it takes so much less effort to live in the light.
Isn’t it funny how fast things can turn around?
It’s amazing how it all just feels so right!
Don’t be confused, I still battle my demons daily.
Yes it’s a bumpy ride but at least I’m back at the wheel.
I choose where my path shall lead.
I’m going the right direction this time, I can feel it.
Looking ahead now, that’s what I choose to do.
I will no longer look back with that aching dread.
For me; yesterday is gone, over, it’s dead.
My past is now where it belongs, where I have left it.
So it may never again define me, because today I am finally free.

© 2013 CloversAllOver Shavon Taylor

Who am I?

Few admit they know me, more so are those who knew me.
The ones who overcame, got bored of, or just outgrew me are the ones most often to speak freely.
No problem pointing fingers, yes they’re quick to name me.
I only wish that I could kill me, so as to never harm another like you.
To break my chains and forever remain the one you never knew.

I am leaving out the last line for the moment to give you a chance to try to guess. Would love to hear your thoughts or opinions…although I don’t think you can truly get the full effect of the poem with out the last line. That being said, happy guessing 🙂

© 2013 Shavon Taylor