Hall ‘o’s eve
Oh hallowed eve
Hollow is this this evening
Paint dripping from my face, quick paced away from this place
Internally screaming
Eternity haunting, grieving
Leaving
Unfeeling
I’m reeling
So deceiving, no descriptions
New prescription, yet no healing
Barely breathing this hallowed hollow evening
Awaited invitation
Perceived pain revealing a darkend endless swirling ceiling
On the floor want this hurt no more
Pawing, clawing, crawling
Hall ‘o’s eve not naive
I felt you leave me this hallowed hollow howled evening
Tag Archives: Relationships
Ever After?

How do you continually say such hurtful sh*t?
Next you apologize then I’m just supposed to forget?
Like it all just goes away?
How can you say you don’t mean the things you say,
When you say the exact same as you said yesterday?
How can you say you love this person you so venomously describe?
How can you spit such hate, while looking me dead in the eyes?
How do you believe you love me when all other evidence proves you’re beginning to hate me?
Why is it such torture when we are together?
Who am I trying to kid, when we’re apart it ain’t much better
Every breath, every moment, every word seems to go completely unheard, unnoticed
Underestimated is the pain of such misunderstandings
Tell me, honestly if we haven’t figured out how to be happy together yet, do you think we ever can be?
If we still spend every night like this will you ever attempt to understand me?
I realize nothing I do seems right to you,
I do things a lil differently than most I’ll admit
To be completely fair tho, it’s not like I kept it a secret
What is it you used to love about me?
Did I somehow change so immensely, or did you just finally let go of trying to make me the person you think I ought to be?
Once you say something you can’t just take it back
There’s always some truth behind it, no matter how hard the attack
Some I wish you could undo tho because they feel like the sharpest knives in my heart and trying to slice right thru
My heart that’s where you generally aim your linguistic sword, always going for the kill shot
Each blow hurts so much more than you may have thought
Yet I get back up, trying to hold on only to be pushed back down again
Fighting so f*cking hard to just ignore the pain while refusing to show my shame
I truly am so lost you know, no matter how hard I look I rarely seem to find my way anywhere
Do you really think I float so freely thru life, nothing in my head but air?
If only you could peek inside and see all these damn thoughts weighing down on me
I’m like a chameleon always in the background, seeming to blend right in
I just can’t keep up the fight any more, it’s really beginning to look like neither one ofus will ever win
Hurting each other instead over and over,
every day and every night
Aren’t you tired from this fight,
because honestly it looks like there’s no end in sight
©2014 Clovers All Over
Aching Acres

Windless whispers
Rustling sound of hushed secrets
Lost in the dusk
That twilight hour Before night gives way to black darkness
The scariest time of all
Lone dew drop in a desert
The last chance of survival
Can’t let those big fish swallow you no
So small and insignificant you seem imaginatively
Immensely winding woods
Tightly knit forest of dreams
Thoughts pop to memories
New beginnings from sad endings
A fog has drifted, dispersed
Slowly slippin on this slope
Up about it all I will float
Looking down, wondering, hoping, considering
Change is in the breeze
Change no longer a disease
Shifting slightly, Walking, talking lightly
Letting it all just fall
This time it must work
This time I’ll find the answers to it all
©2014
Self Destruction Team?

“Together We Choose to Lose”
Daddy’s Girl
So young, so sweet, so innocent
How can this be, Daddy’s lil girl now an Angel to heaven she’s sent
No longer bound by the limitations of growing old
Never again will he be alone in his cold
She is free now to do whatever her wish, whatever she feels
Yet left here on earth is a hole in his heart he doubts will ever be healed
Eternal youth and beauty that’s how she’s remembered
For him I know there shall be no such day so cold as that day in December
How he must be hurting, I can’t even attempt to understand
All those memories will forever linger of the times he’d held her little hand
It breaks my heart to imagine how his faith too must have been stripped away that day
There are no words, no matter the strength of their comfort that will send his hurt away
How the world can be so cruel, I just can’t understand
Things can turn upside down so fast, no matter how hard you try to stick to a plan
Tears fall from many eyes on this day,
As they remember the beautiful soul taken long before her day
My only hope among all the despair is that he knows no matter the time, problem, or place
She will always be there, all he has 2 do is envision her face
A love between father and daughter may not be one to be considered rare,
Though I can tell you that love is one in which no other will ever compare
©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver.com
Breakdown or Breakthrough

I get so incredibly frustrated because it feels like I’m running out of time
That and the fact that no matter how I try, I just can’t keep you off my mind
I’ve said I’ve let you go, but can’t bring myself to actually do it
You say you have no feelings for me, but I truly believe there’s much more to it
Driving me crazy as even the smallest sings you refuse to acknowledge
It’s so hard for me, living life precariously teetering on the edge
Mere moments from my next break, never knowing if it will be down or through
Funny thing is no matter which way I lean, it seems I’m always leanin’ on you
The one person who believed in me when no one else would
The only one to try to help me escape a world that you just never could
I’m not sure what you want from me, if anything at all
The one thing I do know is, you’re always there to help me up after every single fall
I can’t thank you enough for all you helped me through
I just wish there was a single thing in this world I wanted, more than I desire you
© 2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver
Saves Me

Saves Me
I honestly don’t think I’ve stayed so quiet in my entire life
I knew not a single word I said could comfort you
As if your frustrations with life weren’t enough
You’ve now taken on mine too
No matter how hard I wished there was anything I could say
Deep down I knew silence was the only way
For me to actually just keep my mouth shut was really a great feat
I thought of the things I wanted to say, wordlessly in my seat
Holding my breath in attempt to hold back tears
In the void of all noise my head began filling with fears
Fears of loosing you completely
Fears that this quiet would defeat me
As you know I enjoy almost every second spent next to you
Even here mouth clamped shut wondering what I should do
So for now I’ll continue to hold my hopes up real high next to my dreams
Noiselessly pushing away the inner voice trying so hard to scream
I realize you had no intention to hurt me,
In fact that’s the only thing you have ever stated clearly
You even did so right from the start
You never asked me to give you the key to my heart
I swear tho, I will never speak again if the word you’re seeking is goodbye
It’s so hard in this dead air not to allow myself to cry
I’m not sure I will ever get thru to you,
I doubt I’ll even understand you, let alone the things you do
The only thing I do know is this
You really do drive me completely crazy,
Almost as much as you amaze me
©2013 Shavon Taylor
Defend
Leaves fall faster when we stop to think
The earth spins slowly when he starts to drink
My emotions flow ravenously when I express
Time to grab hold, erase this mess
Always hold fast to your dreams,
Admire the beauty in every scene
Focus on yourself, your well-being
Tho don’t forget to watch what goes on around you
Find and gain strength in all that surrounds you
Let nothing, not anyone hold you back
None should you allow to drag you down
Life should be a journey, not a job
Enjoyment should always come first at home
In fact it’s almost all that matters
This time respect and appreciation are demanded
Refusing to stay like all the times before,
Know she won’t be leaving empty-handed
“No longer will I be walked on”
It’s her turn to come out on top,
She’ll be holding the heart this time
I can’t continue watching it all unravel
As it sincerely breaks mine
That’s it, that’s all, not another “fall”
She’s starting a new chapter
That’s right she’s finally moving on
No more waiting, watching, wanting more for you
No longer will she lie down
leaving herself open to your abuse
Now and forever she’s
GONE
©2013 Shavon Taylor
Sunny Daze

Everyday I’m searchin‘ for a lil more sun
A lil more focus maybe a lil less fun
These wet rainy days leave me lookin’ for a dry place to sit
Another to get close to, some place I may fit
Seems the ones I tend to meet I end up wishin‘ I could forget
Don’t get me wrong I refuse to live a life I regret
Tho these showers can be lonely and cold
My future, my happiness remains untold
My entire lifetime I may spend searchin’ for you
All the while you might be just behind me racing to pursue
Like the fresh forest floor covered in dew
I wake each morning seeking something new
A reason for being, checking the window in hopes it‘s a rainbow I‘ll be seeing
Tho I don’t let the storms outside get to me
For i know deep down happiness will one day find me
That will be the day i break free finally
Free from the rain, the pain, walking proudly, no shame
Somehow you will know how to tame my flame
As you ignite the spark
I will know I will never agian endure another nite alone in the dark
Together we will always find the sun
Where we will so happily run
Away from the sadness and gloom falling into a bed of laughter in our own room
A place where love and care will forever live
A place where there’s no wrong we would commit that the other couldn’t forgive
At times it hurts to stay locked in my head
In the feilds of flowers I’d much rather tred
Alone searching for those sunny days is where I remain instead
I know I can‘t do this all on my own
Still I’ll refuse to go on in misery each day only to grumble and groan
One day happiness will be my home
Together in the sun we will shine
For I am yours and you will be mine
wi©2013 Shavon Taylor
Love Deprived

I cannot sleep another second, nor can I go on with my eyes closed
So much of my life I’ve just slept away, so much I missed while I just dozed
Dreams so rarely find me in the night, more often it’s nightmares that wake me with such fright
That’s when I find myself reaching for the light instead of you to hold me tight
I hate to have to admit to fear,especially when you’re not here
When I have to shake it off and pretend it’s all ok
While I’m forced to carry on thru what seems like such a hollow pointless day
You have no idea how alone I sometimes feel, like there’s no escape even when I know the cage is not real
I guess I never realized just how much strength I gain merely from your presence, somehow the strangle hold of fears grip just lessens
It’s like it can’t get a hold on me if I’m holding you
Lately tho in the dark I still have to fight for you too
The closer we should be the faster and farther you pull away from me
Not even your nightmares keep you in my arms, in my head all I hear are alarms
You’re fading slowly, slipping from my view
You never were by my side, no matter how hard I tried or pretended I knew
All this time I thought one day we might win
Your heart tried to tell me to stop, but I fought to be a part of all I saw within
All I’ve ever wanted for us was happiness
As I tried to build more for us, you progressively gave me less
Not because you want to remain sad, not even to prove all the reasons I sometimes make you so mad
Maybe because I want it so bad, everything I’ve never had, I wanted to share with you
You say you’ve had it all and were forced to watch it falling
Tho I still believe it’s possible for you to take the chance and love, I must realize this is not a chance you will take with me
©2013 Shavon Taylor
Dark Sea

I hate seeing those rain clouds hanging above your head
Swimming with thoughts and feelings unsaid
I can feel your pain wash over me
Suddenly I’m right beside you drowning in that dark sea
How do I keep your head above the surface while those thoughts weigh you down like lead?
I’ve been waiting for your flood to subside, keeping all my advice inside
To just listen, just be there
I only wish all your troubles could be taken away with the tide
Unfortunately it’s not that simple, it never really is
I may be able to offer support, or comfort, even a place to keep you dry temporarily
Just know you will work your way thru it
We both know you can do it
Just as sure there will always be pain, every once in a while it has to rain
It’s what comes after the rain that makes it worthwhile to weather
Everything is so fresh and renewed
You will go back out there and fight while growing so incredibly strong
Until again one day you find yourself sinking in that dark sea
Worry not, for you know exactly where you will find me
©2013 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver
Stages of Crazed Rages

So sure is he who tries to tell me who to be
So unpure the anger he forces thru me
Naive, negative, nonsensical nuisance he has become
My choices leave no comfort as they weigh on my conscience
Tho I have no intent to hurt him, his frailty seems an infants equivalence
Unable to express exactly what it would take to calm him
I’m left to guess just how to soothe him
Never before have I witnessed an outlook so grim
So focused on the f*ckery, bitterly battling everyone,
Himself and those his mind creates
His anger fills him up so full all bits of sanity left deflate
I can’t keep up with his head trips
Quite honestly the violence is frightening when he flips
I wonder when did his madness start, just how long has it been
I’m watching him fall apart, he’s bursting at the seams
All normalcy hits the floor as I realize there’s no time to make it to the door
Once again I’m in for a show
Off the handle he flys tellin’ me things I’d really rather not know
No matter how I try I can’t get him back down to earth with me
Reality remains something I can no longer make him see
It hurts to know he is so far gone
Fanatically convinced he’s merely a pawn
They’re all out to get him you see
It’s all just a game, we all want him to lose, that’s right even ME
Now he’s a lone soldier fighting his own mind
Peace, hope, sanity, serenity things he no longer even attempts to find
I thought my lil rain showers were insane
In comparison to his typhoon my crazy seems rather tame
I’m not sure there’s a way for me to help him and even if there were I’m not sure I could stay
Although my crazy may not compare to his,
In my mind I know I’m only moving closer everyday
Unfortunately my only option left is to pick up MY pieces and go the other way
©2013 Shavon Taylor
I of the storm

I have no idea where I’m goin’
You have no idea where I’ve been
My life story is a bumpy one I don’t often care to share
People tend to look at you differently when they hear how much you’ve endured
I don’t have to explain a thing when i choose instead to remain reserved
I still haven’t quite figured out how to make the chaos stop
It keeps going even when I feel it’s done
Up that proverbial mountain I continually climb and fall, no matter how hard I try I can’t stay on top
I want to just pick up the scattered pieces and move on
Where would I begin, how am I supposed to just let go
I’ve been rolling this storm for so long now
I can’t help but wonder if it may have grown a life of its own
What if I can’t stop what I’ve started?
If after the darkness rolls out and the clouds have parted,
Will it all unravel and spin completely out of control
I guess there’s really only one way to know
I feel so ashamed, why is change so frightening
That impossibly immediate love for you struck my heart like lighting
Everything stopped spinning, for just a moment
There was a beautiful calm all around, in that brief second I saw how my life could be so different
As quickly as it came it was gone
My whole world shook and the spinning kept on
It all now seems so bleak
This storm continues to grow stronger yet I feel so weak
On my own I’m expected to accept any weather that comes my way
Like a dusty picture hanging on your wall, neglected it’s still expected to stay
In the eye of the storm I’m to remain unmoved
Spinning all around my world becomes a blur
Just what did i expect to prove
The unattainable attempting to change the unchangeable
Never once since I met him have I even looked for ground more stable
Still I wish for sanity, for silence, even for simplicity
It seems now he has only grown more afraid of me
Always keeping his distance while guarding with that enraging resistance
Dee Nile the River of Real Eyes-ation

Can you open your eyes and see more than just the river washing you away from me?
Is it really so much easier to deny than to actually allow it to be?
Continue on faking your way thru as you float astray
I can not hold you, if I could I still would not contain you
So go on living your cool cruel life the way you do
There’s no need for you to look me in the eyes
No need for truth, in fact I prefer your lies
I see right thru them so paper thin, where do I begin?
Shall I let go, move on and just find some one new?
Or do I wage this tsunami and fight for you?
This trip to realization has been quite tiresome
I almost can’t remember where it started from
Sloshing on, in this water I continue to tred
Can’t we start over, fresh and new instead?
Why is it so impossible to get you outta my head?
Will I just float on forever like thoughts in the breeze?
Forever waiting for you to claim me?
This river is merciless, at times relentless
I find myself wishing, “If only you meant less”
Then somehow maybe I could finally free myself of you
Would you suddenly be the one racing to pursue?
They say if you love someone you should set them free
My biggest fear tho is that you won’t even stop to look back for me
Hate

I hate how much I think about u, I hate how much I care.
I hate that I have 2 go on without u, I hate that you’re never there.
I hate how often I dream of you, I hate how you go on pretending the way you do.
I hate all the times I chose to lean on you, I hate that you’re not here to help see me thru.
I hate how much you cross my mind, I hate how lil I must cross yours.
I hate thinking your love for me just isn’t there for me to find, I hate how every time I speak 2 u its like putting salt on fresh sores.
I hate how hard I tried, I hate how u never would.
I hate how hard I’ve cried, I hate how you never could.
I hate how if given the chance I don’t think I’d change a thing, I hate that all the memories I held so tight now mean nothing.
I hate how I can never take off that stupid ring, I hate my thoughts of u and all the sadness and frustration they bring.
I hate that I can’t let go, I hate that u won’t hold on.
I hate all the emotions you just never showed, I hate that now more than ever i feel like you’re actually gone.
There are so many things I want hate you for but there are too many reasons for me to ever actually hate you, no matter how badly I want to or how hard I try I will somehow still always want u.
I hate how long I’d wait for you, I hate that I can’t change the way u feel.
I hate all the fantasies I’ve create, I hate how all of this feels so unreal.
I hate myself for letting it get so bad, I hate how it all went so wrong.
I hate that u will forever remain so alone n so sad, I hate that with you just ain’t where I belong.
©2013 Shavon Taylor
Too Little Too Late

Disturbed and distraught, an angry empty head void of all thought
Ruthless while useless, killing any good
Never doing what he knows he should I must walk away now, I’m not afraid
It’s time I leave him to sleep in the bed he has made
Never doing what is right, I doubt he will ever try
Remember that old saying “outta sight outta mind” for him it’s quite the opposite
He continues to push me, still he tries to lie
Just what will it take for him to see he is all he claims to defy
His games, his stunts, even his scores, none are ever enough
His greed is deep it’s engraved in his core
Don’t make a difference to him who gets hurt or who wins
All common courtesies and senses he deserts as soon as it begins
Only he matters, just his wants, not his needs
Every other he sees as lower class so he taunts them as he walks around planting seeds
His garden tho thrives in darkness and deceit
He is one we all wish to never meet
To your face or when ever it suits his plans he can be so respectful and kind
Tho when your back is turned or you happen to be in his way
He just flips, like he’s completely out of his mind
There’s no fixing for him, no way of helping him get thru
Trust me when I say if you try to help him he will eventually hurt you too
He hurts himself every single day, I can’t watch any more so now I refuse to stay
I’ll pack my things and I’ll walk away
Sadly he’s too far gone, and believe it or not that really hurts me to say
I never expected he could become so irate, never imagined inside he brewed such hate
Now I have no choice but to move on without looking back, tho I wish him all the best
I don’t want to believe he can’t change but the games he plays are completely insane
Trying to help him any longer will only increase my own shame
The things he has done and said are hard enough to get outta my head
Sure he as apologized but I highly doubt he has yet recognized the extent of the damage he has done
Maybe one day I will find a way to forgive him
Today instead I must walk away sadly, thinking it’s all just a sin
©2013 Shavon Taylor