My last unheard words.

I thought for a moment you were almost human, like you almost cared

I have no problem admitting I’m wrong, unlike you I’m not scared!

I know you don’t like being wrong in fact I’m sure you despise it.

So don’t mind if I take a minute to rewind it.

I’d like to point out just a wee thing or two wrong with you.

I realize now it’s not just me you lie to, we both know you lie to you too.

Don’t bother trying to convince me you were and are happy before and without me.

You do not trust, you doubt me.

The funny thing is you’re so stuck, it’s stupid.

Once long ago I saw it in your eyes, you too had been struck by that drunk prick Cupid.

You went thru my things seeking anything to use to fuel your fire of distrust!

At once I read your look of disgust.

You did everything in your power to tear yourself away.

What I don’t understand is why you think you have to pretend everything is okay.

For a few days a friend floated up from the past and you let your guard down.

I’ll admit it was actually kinda nice having him around.

For 3 amazing days you let me in, a place I knew you’d never let me be again let alone stay.

To allow yourself to be happy just isn’t your way.

I’d never seen you so happy before nor a glimpse even since.

If you won’t tell me, at least admit to yourself it was nice feeling the warmth of someone else.

You held my hand, danced fingers lightly on my skin, even snuggled in close that day we slept in.

I almost feel sorry for you, living in anger just to ensure no one can hurt you.

I’ve told you more than once and proved many times I am truly incapable of telling lies.

Sadly now even if you changed your mind, it’s too late cuz you already changed mine.

I would have loved you, put none above you.

Now it’s too late and I’m not sorry to say it’s too bad cuz I really did love you.

©Jan 27 2018

Decypher Me

He thinks my attention is momentary  

Best way to attain it he believes is merely negative means

He sees me as a cynic, a dreamer too afraid to dream

Claims I’m hurtful and hateful,with a hole where my heart should be

Moment by moment his opinion changes of me

He expects changes from me, lays it out truthfully unknowing of the pain inflicted so cruelly

Trying to help me without tying me down, tearing me down

Unfairly I expect him to know how much my choices already weigh

Unjustly I only want for him to trust me

Pushing or pulling, none will ever move me

My emotions flash and flare with each flick of wind

Sadly sharing its strength with his words,

Each linguistic blow knocks that same wind from my sails

Stuck as the water grows stale, stagnant

The sweet salty air becomes sour, sticky, sickly

I’m finding it hard then harder to breathe

If only he knew how badly I need for him to just believe

Not to cast stones nor remind me of my crutches nor falls and fails

How could he not see, I am aware if I continue this way I may never grow

No need to point out my flaws, that’s not the attention I crave nor desire

His affection I wish could be my only infection,

Instead I’m left licking salt from my freshly healing wounds at his discretion

It may seem I don’t care, or ever plan to change

The truth is my dear; far, far more strange

I love that you make me feel loved,

You remind me of how it felt to be happy

I appreciate you showing me opportunity in all that could be

Just please; I beg of you when you do, to do so kind and gently

I understand it pains you to see me destroying my self,

Bear in mind though I do so very well already

All by myself

Realistically I am in no need of help

©2015 Shavon Taylor CloversAllOver